20 Ways to get over a cheater and move on with your life.

When the tears seem as though they'll never end,
when life has boiled over and you have to pretend,
the thoughts are hazy and questions of why,
the heart so crumbled and wanting to die.

Through pain comes love and new perspective,
a stronger soul with a new objective,
the thoughts are clear with new composure,
finally free you now have closure.

Once you've made the decision to end the relationship and you both agree to go your separate ways, comes the booming reality of a different life, one filled with questions, pain, uncertainty and more pain.

You've cried for days or weeks or months, but have now decided it's time to move on and live your life.  However, with the lingering pieces of a broken heart it's hard to figure out how, so here are some ideas to help you:

1.  Spend time with positive supportive friends and while in their company focus only on positive topics.  Save sad stories for your therapist or journal or mom.
2. Exercise.  We get tired of hearing that exercise is a solution for many problems, but it really does help.  You are focusing your energy on you in a positive way.    
   
3. Keep a journal of your feelings to help you process your experience and work through the pain.
4. Help someone else in need.  When we focus on doing something positive for someone else it let's us know that we are not alone in our pain and again we focus on something positive in life.
5. Volunteer at a local animal shelter.  Spend some time giving your love to an animal and receive love in return.                                                                                                                              
   
6. Take a trip someplace you've dreamed of visiting.                                                                       
7. Dive back into a hobby you have or start a new hobby.                                                               
8. Join a group or club of like minded people.  Art, music, cycling, business, drama, politics        anything that might be of interest to you.                                                                                    
9. If you haven't done this already now is the time, pack up everything that has to do with him so you won't see constant reminders.  Pictures, gifts you name it, pack it.                                      
10. Whatever you do, don't call, text or drive by his home or work.                                                  
11. Eat healthy.  Your body is your temple and deserves the very best.                                            
12. Be thankful for all the good things that you have in your life right now.  If you have a hard time with this, take the time to write a list and post it on your fridge or bathroom mirror.                   
13. Sleep.  It's essential for your body to recoup from stress and is necessary to  think clearly.        
14. Come up with a personal mantra and every time your mind starts to think about anything          negative recite your mantra.                                                                                                          
15. Don't blame yourself or him.  Blaming is a negative thought process that keeps you  focused on the past.  Now is the time to focus on the present and look to the future.                                      
16.  Plan for the future.  We all need something to hope for, it drives us, so plan something fun for yourself for the future, next week, next month, next year.                                                          
17.   Change your surrounding.  Try rearranging your furniture, pictures and decor to get a new          feel.  Buy some new items such as bedspreads, pillows, decor or dishes to provide a new feel 
18. Have fun.  Do whatever it is that brings you joy.                                                                        
19. Make a list of all of your great qualities, every thing you like about yourself and that your friends and co-workers like about you.                                                                                      
20. Remember that you are an amazing, loving, caring person who is deserving of love, respect and faithfulness.  Take the time to heal and let go of any baggage because out there in the world is an amazing person waiting to find you.                                                                                                                                      

8 tips to catch a cheater using a cell phone.

We've all thought of the mainstream ways to catch a cheater using a cell phone: look through recent calls, check text messages, check open apps and look through contacts, but is that all there is?

No.

The following are 8 more ways or more thorough ways to look for evidence:

1. Contacts.  Is there a secondary list?  Click on each contact, are there multiple numbers for the same person?  Is anything starred?  Is there anything to show a code or other secret marking by a name?  Perhaps something to do with his/her work?  If you have the time, copy each name and number and double check them yourself.  My ex included lots of dummy numbers to make it harder to find the real ones.  He also marked each mistress under the code name Bob.  
2. Apps.  Look through his apps for any that are known for keeping secrets or social sites like hangouts or path.  Apps like Vault keep notes, pics and other secrets.  Vimeo allows users to send videos that no one else can see unless they have a password.  There are apps that will make the screen disappear if shaken, making it easy to erase a text if about to get caught.  Those are just a few, so be sure to check on the newest apps out there.
3. GPS.  There are multiple ways to take advantage of gps.  1) Use a gps tracker app such as Friend Finder or the Find My Iphone app. 2) If you have access to his phone go to settings-privacy-location services.  If it's turned on you will be able to see where the phone has been, if not, turn the services on to check on later.
4. Texts.  If a text comes through his phone you can swipe the text dialogue to the side and that will allow you to respond to that one text.  Of course, this is only useful if you happen to see an inappropriate text or one from a friend that you want to verify information from.
5. Your cell phone.  You can use your cell phone as a spy camera.  Set it upright in an area where you think you can get the best view.  There are lots of directions online on how to use your cell phone as a remote camera so I won't go into details.
6. Your cell phone as a gps tracker.  If you know he is going somewhere he shouldn't be hide your cell phone in his car (be sure to have location services on and volume off and well charged.)  Once he's back home retrieve your phone and check the locations.  If you are concerned that he might call you while he's out simply forward your number to the house phone or a friend's number.
7. Voice messages.  It's easy to listen to voice messages from another phone, let's say yours.  It needs to be a time that you know he won't answer his phone, other wise it doesn't work.  Dial his number, during the greeting either press * or # depending on who the carrier is, it will prompt for a password (hopefully you have it) enter it, you will be given options and directions including: listening to, deleting, forwarding and repeating.
8. Spyware.  I'm stating up front this is illegal to do with out his consent.  With that said there are lots of services out there for cell phone spyware.  Mobistealth offers different levels of service and costs and it does work.  Regardless of what any add states, smart users can figure out that their phone isn't "working right" and may do a factory reset which will wipe out the spyware, but not before you learn what you need to know.

Hopefully, these tips will help you find out if your partner is cheating or being faithful.  

If you have any tips to add about how to catch a cheater using a cell phone please let us know by leaving a comment.

Good luck.

The best clue that you may be dating a sociopath.

The best clue I can share with you that you are about to embark on a potentially dangerous faux love affair with a sociopath is this:

If he asks you to keep a secret.

That's it, pretty simple sounding isn't it?

Any potential suitor who asks you to keep a secret up front on the first date or many dates down the road is hiding something!!!

At this point you need to run, run, run away.

The problem:
The allure of being invited in to someone else's secret life is exciting.  It gives us the illusion that we are special because we are of the few invited into his world (a world of lies, deceit, cheating, manipulation, adultery and deception.)  All it really means is that we are easily fooled.  I know I was.

Wanting so much to be loved and feel valued that we ignore the red flags, the gut instincts and the feeling of unease.

A charming man, thoughtful, bestowing gifts who fell in love with us the moment we met and to top it off, he's great in the sack.  Who wouldn't be swept off her feet?

He is a skilled manipulator.  A man who knows how to sell himself.

The secrets he asks you to keep are for his protection, to misdirect you and to keep you away from finding out the truth.

"I work for the CIA."  "I'm a bounty hunter."  "I'm undercover."  "My family is in the mafia."  Do any of  these sound familiar?  I hope not, but they are all examples of cover stories they give forcing them and you to not talk or ask questions about him.  They also lend an element of mystique making him more appealing.  He is now more interesting.  He becomes the forbidden fruit.

He may ask you to wear a disguise (making you a secret.)  He doesn't want to be seen with a woman other than his wife, hence the disguise.  He may wear a hat and sunglasses to help disguise himself.  The story he'll give you will either be one of intrigue or pity.  He might say he has a crazy, stalker ex-wife, or he's spying on someone, but just had to see you because you make him feel special or perhaps his wife no longer loves him and he is looking for love.

Whatever the words are, they are lies.  They are meant to entice you, lead you on, have you want to be part of his world (game).

He will tell you that you are not to tell any one.  You must keep his secrets, it's important to him that you do (for more reasons than you realize.)

Anyone who asks you to keep a secret is hiding more than you want to have to deal with.  Maybe he is married, maybe he's a rapist, a thief or just a lost soul who needs constant reassurance to boost his ego.

He could be a narcissist.  He could have Borderline Personality Disorder.  He could be a sociopath.
All of these are unhealthy personality disorders-for him and you.

Stay clear.

Ladies, if you meet someone who asks you to keep a secret, tell him you won't, then walk away.  There may be a wife out there somewhere who will thank you.

12 tips for questioning a cheating spouse

You know he's lying to you, but he sticks with his story.  You ask questions, you cry, you plead, but still he lies and denies.  And all you want is the truth.  Does that sound familiar?

Perhaps it's time to learn how to ask questions- differently, in a different order and different types of questions.

Here are pointers on how to change your questioning (interrogating):

• Stay calm.   Breaking out the tears doesn't help because at this point, let's face it, they don't care about how you feel (otherwise they wouldn't have cheated, right?) 
• Speak in a non-threatening tone.  This will help them to stay calm also and disarm their defenses.
• Let him know that if he's not honest with you that you will leave (only say this if you are willing to follow through) and that you already know the truth.

Stop the lies when they start.  When he lies hold up your hand to stop, repeat your question or rephrase it.  Don't allow him to lie to you, so every time he starts, hold up your hand to let him know that it is not acceptable.

• Push farther.  If you can tell that a question has made him uncomfortable ask more questions and keep pushing, narrowing down the questions, time frames, subject.  Follow up questions are crucial.
• Ask open ended questions.  Try not to ask yes or no questions.  The idea is to get them talking, they may give you information you didn't know.
• Listen intently.  Don't interrupt him, allow him to speak.  
• Ask him to tell the story backward.  Liars rehearse their lies in one direction, but not in reverse. It will be harder to keep a story straight when retelling it in a different order.  
• Ask specific questions.  How long has the affair been going on?  Is it over?  What is missing from our relationship that you needed to get from another woman?  Do you feel guilty?  These questions should only be asked if you know for a fact that there was an affair.  
• Ask loaded questions.  For example, "Were you looking for someone or did it just happen?"
• Suggest justifications on why he cheated to see if he bites at one.  
•  Rephrasing the same questions.  Especially if you think you are going in the right direction, but he hasn't told you what you want to know.  Simply rephrase the same question, don't be afraid to rephrase the question multiple times.

They may never admit to what they did, but in the end doesn't that say a lot about their character?

Hopefully, you can get the answers you need from what they do reveal through their words and body language.  

I wish you the best.

Do you expose a work affair when both parties are married?

Do you ever want to just scream in frustration?

Have you ever caught someone cheating and no one else knew?  And to top it off everyone else thought that person was a great, a catch, honest, faithful?

What if you knew who the third party was in the affair and everyone also thought that person was a "great" person?  "They would never do anything like that."

To top off your frustration, it's your husband.

After I broke up with him I received a phone call from one of his gal pals.  She didn't understand why I would leave such a great man?  He would never cheat, he's not the type, she said, believing her own words.

It was crushing me inside to not tell her what a lying, conniving, manipulator he's been.  I told her I discovered that he had a secret facebook account and denied it.

"I didn't find it." she said.

"Well, that's because he's already deleted it."

"He said he called facebook and told them what was going on, so they took it down." she defended him.

Really?  It doesn't work that way, nor that fast.  So he'll lie to anyone.

Who is this man really?

I fought back the urge to shout out all of his secrets.

Why didn't I tell her?

Because it would ruin the long standing careers and many work friendships for him and the woman he cheated with.

It is not my place to tattle, but I don't like being lied about or to.

What would you do?

Keeping my vengeful side in check, what I can do is to spread the word to pay close attention to the men you date.  To warn women of the red flags that people show when they cheat.  To ask you to respect yourself and other women by not getting involved with men who are already spoken for (future posts.)

For anyone else out there who is frustrated with their situation and contemplating what to do, just ask yourself "What's my motivation?"  Let your good conscious be your guide.



Love yourself first.

The Breakup. A husband caught cheating.

After years of being in a relationship with a man I love dearly, it's now over.  It has been a long time coming.  I have given him every opportunity to be honest about his indiscretions, but he couldn't.  I told him all he had to do was be honest so I could get closure, we could figure why he did what he did and then we could start the healing process and move on.

He couldn't do it.  He stuck with his story of innocence.  I had no choice, but to tell him that I'm moving out.  At some point I had to have respect for myself, since apparently I didn't long ago, so the time is now.  He still didn't admit anything.  His ego is so big and yet so fragile that he can't admit to that weakness, that indiscretion, that lie.

Apparently our relationship wasn't worth it.

Today will be filled with tears and filling boxes of possessions that will remind me of him.  Memories of laughter filled vacations, loving kisses, cuddling in bed and plans we had of our future.

 I am dumbfounded as to how someone could throw everything away for a fling?  It would make more sense if he was in love with another woman and left me for her.  At least he would be fueled by passion.  But to lose a long time love, committed relationship (at least on my part) over sex with other women?  How amazing would the sex have to be???  Seriously?!

Hopefully, once I'm settled into my new place I will start to feel a bit of relief.  It'll be over, finally.

My pillow may be tear soaked by morning, but my conscious will start to grow stronger with every day that passes knowing I made the right decision, even if it took me years to do it.

So to everyone else out there going through the same situation, my heart is with you.

RLF
respect, love, faithfulness
revenge, love, forgive

Revenge as a pressure relief valve for anger.

Once you learn that you've been cheated on, lied to and mislead about your relationship anger and hatred may build inside.

What do you do with that powerful emotion boiling inside you?

Do you get revenge or forgive?

At some point you will have to forgive in order to move on with your life and be happy, but if you're not there yet and want to get revenge first, you have options.

Below are some ideas I've heard that other people have done to get revenge.  I am in no way telling you to get revenge in order to release that anger that is trapped inside you; what you do is entirely your choice.

Speaks for itself.

Spray paint has been used to write on a garage door of his house and or the mistresses house.
I'm sure in lots of other creative ways too.

There's the ol' clean the toilet with his toothbrush bit.  It's an oldy but goody.

How about placing poop in the tank of the toilet?  This sounds more like something a man would do, but who knows.

How about an ad in the newspaper or on craigslist?  A friend of mine put a classified ad in the local paper.  "Husband for sale cheap, comes with mistress."  That was the gist of it, but she elaborated.








There is always the home printed flyer with the cheaters name and picture on it, along with what they did wrong and post it up around the neighborhood and town.

My favorite story that I heard was a wife who sold her husbands car while he was traveling for "work".  What a surprise to come home to after vacationing with one's mistress?!  That takes a lot of balls.








Interested in something more covert?  How about a facebook account in their name describing what type of person they are, pictures and all.  Although, at some point fb will ask you to take it down, but until then.......

This is a bullseye on any man's ego!

We don't all have the luxury of this kind of money, but talk about priceless.

  

Have fun at a sporting event.











Another more covert method is to put their name on a cheaters website.  There are many and they are free.

That concludes the revenge list for today, but stay tuned, there will be more.  Revenge is wicked and so am I.  In the future I will share some of my wicked ways with you.

If you have tried any or heard of any interesting, entertaining ways of getting revenge for a broken heart please share.  I'm always looking out for the next great revenge story.

In a future post I will list positive, healing ways of getting revenge.

Until then, remember you are deserving of romance, love and faithfulness.

I found secret pictures of naked women.

                                                               image courtesy of pixabay



I stumbled upon some tucked away credit card statements that belong to my "sweetheart" and looked through them, of course.  Why wouldn't I?

They dated back 6 years ago.  Holy shit!  That son of a bitch has been fooling around with other women that far back!  At this point I would love to stab a knife into his heart, but I won't.  Instead I will go run until I'm exhausted.  It's a good thing he's not home for awhile.

As I looked over the statements I payed close attention to the dates.  Man he was busy.  He was in places other than where he told me he was.  More lies than truths have crossed his lips I'm sure.

One state came up regularly, despite the fact that he told me he only travels there every other year to visit his family.  So that's where another one lives.

Nothing would give me more pleasure right now than to be able to contact every woman that he's had an affair with.  Revenge being my only motive here.  These women don't know me and may or may not know that "he" is/was in a relationship.

Looking through the rest of the stack of statements I figured out that he had her fly to his house on at least one occasion.

And HER NAME was on the statement next to "plane ticket." Gold.

Now I know her name and what state she lives in.  From there finding her is easy.  No worries, I hold no anger toward her.  I just think she should know about him.

Fueled by this golden nugget of spy intel into the secret life of my now ex, I searched the house again.

Jackpot!

Guess who left an old laptop in a box along side it's power cord? You guessed it, that lying, cheating, unfaithful, no good son of a bitch.

Naturally I did what any cheated on wife/girlfriend/fiance/ partner would do.  I plugged it in.

And yes, I found naked pictures of 2 women.  Both with their names tagged in the image.  Dumbass!

There was another woman pictured, but with clothes on and no name.  Get this, he also had a selfie of himself in his underwear!  Like he was a politician or something.  My guess is that he either sent that pic to someone or used it as a profile pic on a smut site.

I recognized both names of the women.  Their names and phone numbers are on his cell phone.  He had said they were work associates.  Foolish me for not asking what type of work.

Wow, I found myself a real winner didn't I?  In the beginning I questioned a few things, but I had no idea just how far down the rabbit hole went.  I still don't.

It does make me wonder, just what else am I missing hiding in this house?  If I can't sleep tonight I have an activity to keep me busy at least.

So let this be a heads up ladies.  If you send naked pictures to someone you are dating, you don't know who will end up seeing them.

Off to do more searching while he's not at home.

If you have any stories you want to share please do.

Remember, we all deserve love and faithfulness.

Reading body language to know if he's lying to you.

If he's cheating, he's lying.  Let's face it, liars lie.  How are you suppose to know when he's telling the truth or lying?

That's where body language comes in.  The body doesn't lie.

Here are some of my tips on reading body language as it pertains to his feelings about you.  Keep in mind these are basic body language cues, you know you partner better than anyone else so there may be some variances.

If it helps, think back to the early stages of your relationship, how is he different now compared to then?


1.  Space.  How much space does he leave between the 2 of you when you: walk, sleep, watch tv, eat meals, talk on the phone, go to a party, visit friends, go to a bar/club?  You get the idea.  Does he sleep on the edge of the bed or cuddle?  When watching tv are you 2 physically touching or is he in his own personal space?  Does he walk at his own personal pace or stay by your side (holding hands or not)?  Do you eat meals together or on your own schedule?  When you go to a party do you go your separate ways?  If so, do you at least "check in" with each other periodically? At a bar or club does he ditch you for friends?  When meeting new people is he distant from you (like a stranger) or is he by your side (letting the world know that you belong to him)?

In essence, does he invite you into his personal space or not?

2.  Body positioning.  Does he face you?  When you talk is he facing you or angled facing away?  When you have sex, are you two face to face or does he prefer to look at the back of your head?  This is only important if it differs from the sexual contact you shared when you were close and intimate with one another.  Does he mirror you?  (when an interested party follows the movements of the other)

3.  His feet.  Watch his feet.  When you are near each other are his feet pointed away from you (as though his feet want to run away) or are they pointed toward you?

4.  Posture.  Slouching can be a sign of being comfortable, but it can also be a sign of no longer caring how you view him.  If he stands next to you with his chest out, tall and shoulders back that's pride (in himself and being with you.)  If he's slouching and a pretty woman walks by does he straighten up?

5.  Hands.  When he's talking to you are his hands clinched?  Fidgety?  Relaxed? Does he touch his face, neck or ears?  Are his hands resting on his arms and softly moving (this is known as self-soothing)?  How his hands are moving or not can say a lot about his mental state.

There are many clues their body gives us as to their honesty or lying ways, so watch them.  Watch how they move around you and around others.  What are the differences?

No one wants to discover that their spouse has been having an affair, but do you want to live with the alternative?

You deserve better.  We all do.

Cheating spouse caught sending flowers to another woman.

     Valentines Day is coming up, a time we dread if we believe our spouse is having an affair.

If you're wondering if he sent flowers to the other woman, you can check.  It also makes for a colorful way to catch your man cheating.

Do you know the florist he buys from?  You can either call and inquire about "an" order, using his name and number if they ask or check online (this requires knowing a password usually.)

If you don't know the florist you can call each one in your town, if you want to know that bad.

Once you know that he is sending flowers to his mistress, what do you do?  If it were me, I would have them read me the note (if there is one), change it to read something else entirely (your choice) or cancel the order all together.  However, if you want to go out with a colorful bang, you can have the flowers sent to you.  Nothing says you're busted you lying, cheating, loser quite like getting the flowers that were suppose to go to his secret girlfriend.

No matter what you do, remember you are deserving of real love, respect and faithfulness.

As for me, I'm going to enjoy Valentine's Day by buying myself some nice things with his money.
<3

Busted by a cigarette butt!

     I really wanted to share this with everyone to illustrate 2 points: 1) that paying attention to details can pay off and 2) that it is very, very difficult to hide all the evidence of an affair.

     A friend of mine noticed one of her husbands cigarette butts in an unusual location while she was working outside one day.  The butt was behind their RV, not a place they go, especially during the cold winter months.

     Knowing this was out of character for him, not to mention she didn't see him go outside, she checked their surveillance system (which is time stamped.)  It recorded the back door being opened early in the morning, when she would have been in the shower.

     Lightbulb!

     She set a trap.

     The next morning she went upstairs and turned on the shower.  While the water ran she watched their surveillance system which showed him grabbing his phone and sending a text before sneaking out the back door again.

     She snuck out the front door and over to the side of the RV where she heard him sweetly talking to someone on the phone.  She stepped around the corner and cleared her throat.

     He shit himself! So she tells me.  The look on his face was priceless.  He had been caught red handed all because he was to lazy to pick up his cigarette butt.

     She had been having the feeling that he was keeping a big secret, so she wasn't too surprised at catching her husband cheating.  She was surprised at how easy it was though.

     How great would it be if it were that easy for all of us to catch our spouses, partners or boyfriends having an affair?  Could you imagine catching them in the act of sex with another woman?  At that point they couldn't deny it, even though I'm sure they would try.

     If you have any stories about how you caught your partner cheating or caught them in an undeniable lie, please feel free to share.  I welcome the stories.

     Until next time, remember, you are deserving of respect, love and faithfulness.

Ending a relationship with a sociopath.

     I'm done.  I've had enough of living the lies.

     Looking to buy something I opened up a mutual account that we have.  Guess what I found?  He has been searching for diamonds, sexy lingerie and a new phone.  He didn't give any of these items to me.  So, I'm done.  Clearly another woman has his attention.  I only wish I could discover who she is so I can warn her of what she is getting into.

     The hard part is now I have to figure out how to safely break up with a man who displays sociopathic tendencies.  Believe me, I've googled the heck out of "how to" do just that.  Unfortunately,  every site says the same thing and they are all having to do with what happens afterward.  I'm looking for how to bring up the topic in the least likely way to provoke outbursts of anger, denial, manipulation, threats and the plea to change.

     My trepidation for approaching the topic gently, stems from past experiences.  My first husband was another man I had to get away from.  After he put a knife to my throat for buying socks I knew I had to leave.

     I don't want a repeat.

     What I've learned about sociopaths is that they will justify anything to suit their needs.  They are in denial of their bad behavior.  They feel like they are being victimized.  They feel entitled to what they want.  Everything is someone else's fault, they take no accountability.

     This is my take on what to do, unless I find another way.

     The breakup will have to begin with a positive statement such as, I love you and I always will.  Then I will have to state what our conversation is about.  "I'm not right for you."  Followed by another positive statement (to protect his ego.)  You are amazing (fill in the rest with true statements.)
     Remain calm, show no emotions, don't accuse or blame, stay in control of the conversation and don't make it about my needs (that implies that he isn't good enough which his ego can't handle) and don't back down.

     That's the plan.

   At this point he will either: 1) get mad, 2) threaten me, 3) agree with me (God forbid), 4) say he will change  or something to that effect.

     I'm hoping that since he is interested in another woman this transition time will go a little easier, but a blow to the ego is always hard.

     Breakups are never easy, but they are even more challenging when it happens with a sociopath or psychopath.  For anyone else out there who has to go through this my advice is to be safe.

     When I left my first husband I had to do it while he was at work because he threatened to kill me if I ever left him.  It's amazing how many people will help you when your safety is on the line.

     I found a little apartment and didn't tell him where it was, but once he followed me home I knew I was in for some potential danger.  It took moving again, this time 500 miles away, to be safe.

    We can all learn from history.  I'm already looking for a new place, 500 miles away.

     He's out of town now so I have some time to plan.  I'll let you know the details and what worked and what didn't.

     We all deserve respect, love and honesty.

     Be safe.

20 ways to tell he may be lying

     Reading people to distinguish a lie from the truth isn't an exact science.  People handle stress differently which is what they do when they lie.  The more experienced they are at lying, the better they are at hiding it, unfortunately.

     This is an excellent time to use your powers of observation, to help detect a lie.

     By now, in your relationship, you should know how to tell when he is uncomfortable.  That is a good starting point.  If you are having a seemingly normal conversation and you notice his comfort level has changed you should explore the topic further.

     Begin with an honest baseline.  In other words, how does he look, talk, sound, move or gesture when he is telling the truth?  That's your baseline.  Now ask him a question that you know he will lie to.  What are the differences?

Here is a list of tips and tells for liars, but everyone is different, so learn his.

1.  No eye contact or too much eye contact.

2.  An immediate prepared answer or taking too long to think of an answer.

3.  Changes the answer.

4.  Stiffens his body.

5.  Rubs his eyes or forehead.

6.  Covers his mouth when talking.

7.  Micro-expressions.  The instantaneous Oh Shit expression that flashes on his face before he corrects it.

8. Unusual touching or scratching of the face.

9.  Their words don't match their expressions or body language.

10. A tick or restlessness in a body part.  Finger tapping, toe tapping, leg wiggles, you get the idea.

11. They answer no, but their head shakes yes.  Or the opposite for yes.

12. Their tone changes.

13. If the answer doesn't make sense or is illogical.

14. Too much detail for what should have been a simple answer.

15. Are his eyes closed or does he look away when he answers?

16. No contractions are used.  As in "I did not cheat."

17. Gets defensive at your questions.

18. Repeats the question (in an effort to buy time.)

19. May unconsciously put an object between him and you (arms crossed,a leg, a book, a pillow, etc.)

20. If he feels the need to explain himself for what should be a simple answer.

     Now that you know some of the standard tells, it's time to do some clarifying.

1.  Switch quickly to a different topic.  A liar will gladly go along, but anyone else will want to go back and finish or put a close to the previous topic.

2.  Ask him to retell the story but in reverse.

3.  If there was a question that caused discomfort ask follow up questions.


     The bottom line, you may be able to tell when he is lying, but most men, even when confronted with evidence still won't admit to an affair.  However, you don't need him to admit it to make a decision for what is best for you.

     Do you want to be free, not tied down to someone who has no integrity and will lie to your face?  Or do you want to try to work it out?  A tip, it's impossible to move on and have trust if he can't be honest with you.


     Do you have any tips we should add to our list?  If so, please feel free to share.

     And remember, you deserve respect, love and honesty.

Profile of a male serial cheater.

Serial cheaters are the ones who will continue to cheat every chance they get.

They love the thrill.

They think they deserve the adoration and attention.

They don't think that they will get caught.  In the back of their mind they think they can talk their way out of it if they do get caught.

They think they are smarter than you.

It is your job to protect yourself from them.  In order to do that I've put together a list of qualities that serial cheaters have in common.

1.  They are narcissists.  They think only of themselves and what they want.  It doesn't matter who they hurt to get it.

2.  They are self-entitled.  They think they deserve anything and everything their heart or loins desire.  They look to other people to pump their ego; They don't know how to do it themselves.

3.  They are more likely to have money.  They need money to shower women with gifts.  They are not capable of giving true love, so gifts are their way of saying "I care about you."  He may say the words I love you, but they mean something different to him than you.

4.  They are more likely to have jobs with power and control.  An executive for example.

5.  They are image oriented.  They are shallow people.  It's all about looks.  They want to be with attractive women who shower them with words of praise, there by stroking their egos.  Their own looks and image to others is of high importance.  They present themselves well, but you have to be able to look past the facade.

6.  They have double standards.  Rules apply to everyone else to "be good", but not to them.  Since they are narcissists they think they can rewrite the rules.

7.  They are experts at justification.  In their heads they are able to justify any action or motive to suit their needs and give them the excuse they need to cheat.  They do not think of themselves as liars, cheaters, deceitful or unfaithful.  They can justify infidelity with ease.

8.  They take no accountability.  If you notice that they place accountability of anything (past relationship failures, problems in the workplace, family issues for example) on other people instead of owning their part of the problem than you bet that they do  that with cheating too.

9.  They are insecure or paranoid.  This may be hard to spot at first because they are masters of deception.  Initially they come across as confidant, but that is a mask.  Inside they are insecure about your faithfulness because they know how easy it is to cheat.  Once they decide they want to keep you around for awhile you may start to notice the jealousy signs of insecurity and paranoia.  Beware, this is never a good sign.

10. They have cheated before.  They may or may not tell you if they have previously been unfaithful, but if they do realize there is a distinct possibility they will again.  And you should know that if they cheated with you, they absolutely will cheat on you.  Don't lie to yourself and think they won't.


11. They are handsome.  Good looks goes along way to forgiveness and masking deception.  People who are attractive can get away with a lot more than ugly counterparts.  This is not to say that all good looking people are cheaters because that's not true.

12. They are charming.  They pride themselves on being charming and know how to use that to their advantage.

13.  They know how to read people.  They are good at reading people and learning what matters to that person.  They use that knowledge to lie and lure their target with empty promises.  They are predators.

14. They likely had parents who were unfaithful.  Seeing infidelity as a child imprints on them that it is normal behavior.

15. They are skilled liars.  If you ever hear them lie or say that they lied, than you can bet that they lie to you too.  If they'll lie about the little things, than they'll lie about anything.


Take these for what they are, little pieces of a larger, thoughtless, emotional void that make up a serial cheater.

No one wants to be in a relationship with a cheater, so learn to spot the signs of serial cheaters before you get too far involved.

Always remember that you deserve better.

4 Types of cheaters

     Cheaters suck.  Cheating sucks.  Plain and simple.  The fact that someone doesn't have the balls to be honest and tell their partner that they are having an affair is cowardly and disrespectful, to say the least.

     Cheaters can be broken down into 4 simple categories.

1.  The one night stand.  He didn't go out looking for a hook up, but found it.  He feels profoundly guilty and chances are he won't do it again.

2.  Getting even.  Anger is a powerful emotion.  It can drive a man (or woman) to do rash things.  If he isn't get his needs met physically because his wife is withholding sex.  Because she cheated on him.  Or as a justified means of getting even because he feels jilted.

3.  Over whelming attraction.  This is generally with someone the cheater knows.  He has had an attraction to this person for a long time, eventually they hook up to satisfy their desires, never intending it to be long term.

4.  The serial cheater.  This man thinks he deserves it.  He is narcissistic, self-entitled and arrogant.
He will do whatever it takes to not get caught.  He will lie, lie, lie even with his pants around his ankles and a naked woman in the room.  He is charming and will have you thinking you are his world.  He is the one to run away from.


No one deserves to be cheated on.  Remember, you deserve to be respected and loved forever.

Using observations to find clues.

When you think your partner might be cheating on you it's heartbreaking.  If you ask him about it and he denies it, but you have that nagging feeling that he's not telling the truth you will need to find out for yourself.  

You can start with observation. 

Using your powers of observation you can find clues, answers to questions or leads to answers.  Think of yourself as a modern Sherlock.

If you don't already, start noticing and paying attention to normal details and their variants.  Below are examples.

1.  Keep track of the mileage on your cars.  Perhaps he said he was going to help out a sick friend (in town) but you notice there are 120 miles extra on the odometer.  He would travel 60 miles out and 60 back, so what town would be 60 miles away? Does he know someone that far away?

2. Watch his phone.  When you leave the room is it in a slightly different place when you get back?  Did you hear voices while you were out?  Does he have a tendency not to be on the phone when you are around?

3.  When he does get on his phone can you see the screen or does he keep it angled in such a way that only he can see it?  When you do see the screen are there recent calls, messages or emails, but he doesn't check them?

4.  How often does he use the bathroom?  Every few hours or every hour?  Does he turn the fan on each time (to cover sounds)?  Does the toilet flush? Does he wash his hands?  My point is this, is he using the facility or using the space for privacy?  Does he take the phone in with him?  Maybe he hides it in his pocket and thinks you don't notice?

5.  Does he go outside to smoke?  If so, how often?  Is that the way he's always been?  How long is he out side?  Is there a specific time of the day that he always goes out "for a smoke"?  Maybe he has a set time that he "chats" with someone under the pretense of smoking.  If the length of time is inconsistent such as 10 minutes most of the time and others only 4 minutes then ask yourself why?

6.  Where does he place his car keys?  Are they usually in a set spot, but now they are kept farther away or in a drawer or his pocket?

If he is a creature of habit then take note of any changes.

7.  Does the florist at the grocery store recognize him even though he rarely buys you flowers?

8.  Notice exactly how/where his car is parked.  Put a leaf under a rear tire if need be.  When you get back home has his car moved?  What did he do that day?  Did he say he was at home all day?  Obviously, this is more helpful if he's already told you that he was planning on being home all day.

9.  Keep track of money, specifically how much he spends and if it can be accounted for.

10. Does he not want to open the trunk of his car when you are around?  It's an easy, short term hiding spot.

These are just examples of every day happenings that could lead you to a clue.  There are so many more to pay attention to:  Shirt tucked in or out?  How many buttons are buttoned when he leaves?  Are his shoes dirty or clean when he leaves?  Does he smell different when he comes home?  Is he still wearing the necklace he left the house in?  Is the passenger seat in a different position?

You get the idea.

 Even the smallest detail can reveal a clue.

If you aren't use to having to be that detail oriented you can train yourself.  Start by paying attention to whatever he cherishes the most.  Take a look around before you leave a room or the house.

Have any questions?  Have any suggestions to add?  Feel free to contribute to our skills and knowledge database.