The best clue I can share with you that you are about to embark on a potentially dangerous faux love affair with a sociopath is this:
If he asks you to keep a secret.
That's it, pretty simple sounding isn't it?
Any potential suitor who asks you to keep a secret up front on the first date or many dates down the road is hiding something!!!
At this point you need to run, run, run away.
The problem:
The allure of being invited in to someone else's secret life is exciting. It gives us the illusion that we are special because we are of the few invited into his world (a world of lies, deceit, cheating, manipulation, adultery and deception.) All it really means is that we are easily fooled. I know I was.
Wanting so much to be loved and feel valued that we ignore the red flags, the gut instincts and the feeling of unease.
A charming man, thoughtful, bestowing gifts who fell in love with us the moment we met and to top it off, he's great in the sack. Who wouldn't be swept off her feet?
He is a skilled manipulator. A man who knows how to sell himself.
The secrets he asks you to keep are for his protection, to misdirect you and to keep you away from finding out the truth.
"I work for the CIA." "I'm a bounty hunter." "I'm undercover." "My family is in the mafia." Do any of these sound familiar? I hope not, but they are all examples of cover stories they give forcing them and you to not talk or ask questions about him. They also lend an element of mystique making him more appealing. He is now more interesting. He becomes the forbidden fruit.
He may ask you to wear a disguise (making you a secret.) He doesn't want to be seen with a woman other than his wife, hence the disguise. He may wear a hat and sunglasses to help disguise himself. The story he'll give you will either be one of intrigue or pity. He might say he has a crazy, stalker ex-wife, or he's spying on someone, but just had to see you because you make him feel special or perhaps his wife no longer loves him and he is looking for love.
Whatever the words are, they are lies. They are meant to entice you, lead you on, have you want to be part of his world (game).
He will tell you that you are not to tell any one. You must keep his secrets, it's important to him that you do (for more reasons than you realize.)
Anyone who asks you to keep a secret is hiding more than you want to have to deal with. Maybe he is married, maybe he's a rapist, a thief or just a lost soul who needs constant reassurance to boost his ego.
He could be a narcissist. He could have Borderline Personality Disorder. He could be a sociopath.
All of these are unhealthy personality disorders-for him and you.
Stay clear.
Ladies, if you meet someone who asks you to keep a secret, tell him you won't, then walk away. There may be a wife out there somewhere who will thank you.
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