8 tips to catch a cheater using a cell phone.

We've all thought of the mainstream ways to catch a cheater using a cell phone: look through recent calls, check text messages, check open apps and look through contacts, but is that all there is?

No.

The following are 8 more ways or more thorough ways to look for evidence:

1. Contacts.  Is there a secondary list?  Click on each contact, are there multiple numbers for the same person?  Is anything starred?  Is there anything to show a code or other secret marking by a name?  Perhaps something to do with his/her work?  If you have the time, copy each name and number and double check them yourself.  My ex included lots of dummy numbers to make it harder to find the real ones.  He also marked each mistress under the code name Bob.  
2. Apps.  Look through his apps for any that are known for keeping secrets or social sites like hangouts or path.  Apps like Vault keep notes, pics and other secrets.  Vimeo allows users to send videos that no one else can see unless they have a password.  There are apps that will make the screen disappear if shaken, making it easy to erase a text if about to get caught.  Those are just a few, so be sure to check on the newest apps out there.
3. GPS.  There are multiple ways to take advantage of gps.  1) Use a gps tracker app such as Friend Finder or the Find My Iphone app. 2) If you have access to his phone go to settings-privacy-location services.  If it's turned on you will be able to see where the phone has been, if not, turn the services on to check on later.
4. Texts.  If a text comes through his phone you can swipe the text dialogue to the side and that will allow you to respond to that one text.  Of course, this is only useful if you happen to see an inappropriate text or one from a friend that you want to verify information from.
5. Your cell phone.  You can use your cell phone as a spy camera.  Set it upright in an area where you think you can get the best view.  There are lots of directions online on how to use your cell phone as a remote camera so I won't go into details.
6. Your cell phone as a gps tracker.  If you know he is going somewhere he shouldn't be hide your cell phone in his car (be sure to have location services on and volume off and well charged.)  Once he's back home retrieve your phone and check the locations.  If you are concerned that he might call you while he's out simply forward your number to the house phone or a friend's number.
7. Voice messages.  It's easy to listen to voice messages from another phone, let's say yours.  It needs to be a time that you know he won't answer his phone, other wise it doesn't work.  Dial his number, during the greeting either press * or # depending on who the carrier is, it will prompt for a password (hopefully you have it) enter it, you will be given options and directions including: listening to, deleting, forwarding and repeating.
8. Spyware.  I'm stating up front this is illegal to do with out his consent.  With that said there are lots of services out there for cell phone spyware.  Mobistealth offers different levels of service and costs and it does work.  Regardless of what any add states, smart users can figure out that their phone isn't "working right" and may do a factory reset which will wipe out the spyware, but not before you learn what you need to know.

Hopefully, these tips will help you find out if your partner is cheating or being faithful.  

If you have any tips to add about how to catch a cheater using a cell phone please let us know by leaving a comment.

Good luck.

The best clue that you may be dating a sociopath.

The best clue I can share with you that you are about to embark on a potentially dangerous faux love affair with a sociopath is this:

If he asks you to keep a secret.

That's it, pretty simple sounding isn't it?

Any potential suitor who asks you to keep a secret up front on the first date or many dates down the road is hiding something!!!

At this point you need to run, run, run away.

The problem:
The allure of being invited in to someone else's secret life is exciting.  It gives us the illusion that we are special because we are of the few invited into his world (a world of lies, deceit, cheating, manipulation, adultery and deception.)  All it really means is that we are easily fooled.  I know I was.

Wanting so much to be loved and feel valued that we ignore the red flags, the gut instincts and the feeling of unease.

A charming man, thoughtful, bestowing gifts who fell in love with us the moment we met and to top it off, he's great in the sack.  Who wouldn't be swept off her feet?

He is a skilled manipulator.  A man who knows how to sell himself.

The secrets he asks you to keep are for his protection, to misdirect you and to keep you away from finding out the truth.

"I work for the CIA."  "I'm a bounty hunter."  "I'm undercover."  "My family is in the mafia."  Do any of  these sound familiar?  I hope not, but they are all examples of cover stories they give forcing them and you to not talk or ask questions about him.  They also lend an element of mystique making him more appealing.  He is now more interesting.  He becomes the forbidden fruit.

He may ask you to wear a disguise (making you a secret.)  He doesn't want to be seen with a woman other than his wife, hence the disguise.  He may wear a hat and sunglasses to help disguise himself.  The story he'll give you will either be one of intrigue or pity.  He might say he has a crazy, stalker ex-wife, or he's spying on someone, but just had to see you because you make him feel special or perhaps his wife no longer loves him and he is looking for love.

Whatever the words are, they are lies.  They are meant to entice you, lead you on, have you want to be part of his world (game).

He will tell you that you are not to tell any one.  You must keep his secrets, it's important to him that you do (for more reasons than you realize.)

Anyone who asks you to keep a secret is hiding more than you want to have to deal with.  Maybe he is married, maybe he's a rapist, a thief or just a lost soul who needs constant reassurance to boost his ego.

He could be a narcissist.  He could have Borderline Personality Disorder.  He could be a sociopath.
All of these are unhealthy personality disorders-for him and you.

Stay clear.

Ladies, if you meet someone who asks you to keep a secret, tell him you won't, then walk away.  There may be a wife out there somewhere who will thank you.

12 tips for questioning a cheating spouse

You know he's lying to you, but he sticks with his story.  You ask questions, you cry, you plead, but still he lies and denies.  And all you want is the truth.  Does that sound familiar?

Perhaps it's time to learn how to ask questions- differently, in a different order and different types of questions.

Here are pointers on how to change your questioning (interrogating):

• Stay calm.   Breaking out the tears doesn't help because at this point, let's face it, they don't care about how you feel (otherwise they wouldn't have cheated, right?) 
• Speak in a non-threatening tone.  This will help them to stay calm also and disarm their defenses.
• Let him know that if he's not honest with you that you will leave (only say this if you are willing to follow through) and that you already know the truth.

Stop the lies when they start.  When he lies hold up your hand to stop, repeat your question or rephrase it.  Don't allow him to lie to you, so every time he starts, hold up your hand to let him know that it is not acceptable.

• Push farther.  If you can tell that a question has made him uncomfortable ask more questions and keep pushing, narrowing down the questions, time frames, subject.  Follow up questions are crucial.
• Ask open ended questions.  Try not to ask yes or no questions.  The idea is to get them talking, they may give you information you didn't know.
• Listen intently.  Don't interrupt him, allow him to speak.  
• Ask him to tell the story backward.  Liars rehearse their lies in one direction, but not in reverse. It will be harder to keep a story straight when retelling it in a different order.  
• Ask specific questions.  How long has the affair been going on?  Is it over?  What is missing from our relationship that you needed to get from another woman?  Do you feel guilty?  These questions should only be asked if you know for a fact that there was an affair.  
• Ask loaded questions.  For example, "Were you looking for someone or did it just happen?"
• Suggest justifications on why he cheated to see if he bites at one.  
•  Rephrasing the same questions.  Especially if you think you are going in the right direction, but he hasn't told you what you want to know.  Simply rephrase the same question, don't be afraid to rephrase the question multiple times.

They may never admit to what they did, but in the end doesn't that say a lot about their character?

Hopefully, you can get the answers you need from what they do reveal through their words and body language.  

I wish you the best.

Do you expose a work affair when both parties are married?

Do you ever want to just scream in frustration?

Have you ever caught someone cheating and no one else knew?  And to top it off everyone else thought that person was a great, a catch, honest, faithful?

What if you knew who the third party was in the affair and everyone also thought that person was a "great" person?  "They would never do anything like that."

To top off your frustration, it's your husband.

After I broke up with him I received a phone call from one of his gal pals.  She didn't understand why I would leave such a great man?  He would never cheat, he's not the type, she said, believing her own words.

It was crushing me inside to not tell her what a lying, conniving, manipulator he's been.  I told her I discovered that he had a secret facebook account and denied it.

"I didn't find it." she said.

"Well, that's because he's already deleted it."

"He said he called facebook and told them what was going on, so they took it down." she defended him.

Really?  It doesn't work that way, nor that fast.  So he'll lie to anyone.

Who is this man really?

I fought back the urge to shout out all of his secrets.

Why didn't I tell her?

Because it would ruin the long standing careers and many work friendships for him and the woman he cheated with.

It is not my place to tattle, but I don't like being lied about or to.

What would you do?

Keeping my vengeful side in check, what I can do is to spread the word to pay close attention to the men you date.  To warn women of the red flags that people show when they cheat.  To ask you to respect yourself and other women by not getting involved with men who are already spoken for (future posts.)

For anyone else out there who is frustrated with their situation and contemplating what to do, just ask yourself "What's my motivation?"  Let your good conscious be your guide.



Love yourself first.