12 tips for questioning a cheating spouse

You know he's lying to you, but he sticks with his story.  You ask questions, you cry, you plead, but still he lies and denies.  And all you want is the truth.  Does that sound familiar?

Perhaps it's time to learn how to ask questions- differently, in a different order and different types of questions.

Here are pointers on how to change your questioning (interrogating):

• Stay calm.   Breaking out the tears doesn't help because at this point, let's face it, they don't care about how you feel (otherwise they wouldn't have cheated, right?) 
• Speak in a non-threatening tone.  This will help them to stay calm also and disarm their defenses.
• Let him know that if he's not honest with you that you will leave (only say this if you are willing to follow through) and that you already know the truth.

Stop the lies when they start.  When he lies hold up your hand to stop, repeat your question or rephrase it.  Don't allow him to lie to you, so every time he starts, hold up your hand to let him know that it is not acceptable.

• Push farther.  If you can tell that a question has made him uncomfortable ask more questions and keep pushing, narrowing down the questions, time frames, subject.  Follow up questions are crucial.
• Ask open ended questions.  Try not to ask yes or no questions.  The idea is to get them talking, they may give you information you didn't know.
• Listen intently.  Don't interrupt him, allow him to speak.  
• Ask him to tell the story backward.  Liars rehearse their lies in one direction, but not in reverse. It will be harder to keep a story straight when retelling it in a different order.  
• Ask specific questions.  How long has the affair been going on?  Is it over?  What is missing from our relationship that you needed to get from another woman?  Do you feel guilty?  These questions should only be asked if you know for a fact that there was an affair.  
• Ask loaded questions.  For example, "Were you looking for someone or did it just happen?"
• Suggest justifications on why he cheated to see if he bites at one.  
•  Rephrasing the same questions.  Especially if you think you are going in the right direction, but he hasn't told you what you want to know.  Simply rephrase the same question, don't be afraid to rephrase the question multiple times.

They may never admit to what they did, but in the end doesn't that say a lot about their character?

Hopefully, you can get the answers you need from what they do reveal through their words and body language.  

I wish you the best.