Reading people to distinguish a lie from the truth isn't an exact science. People handle stress differently which is what they do when they lie. The more experienced they are at lying, the better they are at hiding it, unfortunately.
This is an excellent time to use your powers of observation, to help detect a lie.
By now, in your relationship, you should know how to tell when he is uncomfortable. That is a good starting point. If you are having a seemingly normal conversation and you notice his comfort level has changed you should explore the topic further.
Begin with an honest baseline. In other words, how does he look, talk, sound, move or gesture when he is telling the truth? That's your baseline. Now ask him a question that you know he will lie to. What are the differences?
Here is a list of tips and tells for liars, but everyone is different, so learn his.
1. No eye contact or too much eye contact.
2. An immediate prepared answer or taking too long to think of an answer.
3. Changes the answer.
4. Stiffens his body.
5. Rubs his eyes or forehead.
6. Covers his mouth when talking.
7. Micro-expressions. The instantaneous Oh Shit expression that flashes on his face before he corrects it.
8. Unusual touching or scratching of the face.
9. Their words don't match their expressions or body language.
10. A tick or restlessness in a body part. Finger tapping, toe tapping, leg wiggles, you get the idea.
11. They answer no, but their head shakes yes. Or the opposite for yes.
12. Their tone changes.
13. If the answer doesn't make sense or is illogical.
14. Too much detail for what should have been a simple answer.
15. Are his eyes closed or does he look away when he answers?
16. No contractions are used. As in "I did not cheat."
17. Gets defensive at your questions.
18. Repeats the question (in an effort to buy time.)
19. May unconsciously put an object between him and you (arms crossed,a leg, a book, a pillow, etc.)
20. If he feels the need to explain himself for what should be a simple answer.
Now that you know some of the standard tells, it's time to do some clarifying.
1. Switch quickly to a different topic. A liar will gladly go along, but anyone else will want to go back and finish or put a close to the previous topic.
2. Ask him to retell the story but in reverse.
3. If there was a question that caused discomfort ask follow up questions.
The bottom line, you may be able to tell when he is lying, but most men, even when confronted with evidence still won't admit to an affair. However, you don't need him to admit it to make a decision for what is best for you.
Do you want to be free, not tied down to someone who has no integrity and will lie to your face? Or do you want to try to work it out? A tip, it's impossible to move on and have trust if he can't be honest with you.
Do you have any tips we should add to our list? If so, please feel free to share.
And remember, you deserve respect, love and honesty.
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