20 Ways to get over a cheater and move on with your life.

When the tears seem as though they'll never end,
when life has boiled over and you have to pretend,
the thoughts are hazy and questions of why,
the heart so crumbled and wanting to die.

Through pain comes love and new perspective,
a stronger soul with a new objective,
the thoughts are clear with new composure,
finally free you now have closure.

Once you've made the decision to end the relationship and you both agree to go your separate ways, comes the booming reality of a different life, one filled with questions, pain, uncertainty and more pain.

You've cried for days or weeks or months, but have now decided it's time to move on and live your life.  However, with the lingering pieces of a broken heart it's hard to figure out how, so here are some ideas to help you:

1.  Spend time with positive supportive friends and while in their company focus only on positive topics.  Save sad stories for your therapist or journal or mom.
2. Exercise.  We get tired of hearing that exercise is a solution for many problems, but it really does help.  You are focusing your energy on you in a positive way.    
   
3. Keep a journal of your feelings to help you process your experience and work through the pain.
4. Help someone else in need.  When we focus on doing something positive for someone else it let's us know that we are not alone in our pain and again we focus on something positive in life.
5. Volunteer at a local animal shelter.  Spend some time giving your love to an animal and receive love in return.                                                                                                                              
   
6. Take a trip someplace you've dreamed of visiting.                                                                       
7. Dive back into a hobby you have or start a new hobby.                                                               
8. Join a group or club of like minded people.  Art, music, cycling, business, drama, politics        anything that might be of interest to you.                                                                                    
9. If you haven't done this already now is the time, pack up everything that has to do with him so you won't see constant reminders.  Pictures, gifts you name it, pack it.                                      
10. Whatever you do, don't call, text or drive by his home or work.                                                  
11. Eat healthy.  Your body is your temple and deserves the very best.                                            
12. Be thankful for all the good things that you have in your life right now.  If you have a hard time with this, take the time to write a list and post it on your fridge or bathroom mirror.                   
13. Sleep.  It's essential for your body to recoup from stress and is necessary to  think clearly.        
14. Come up with a personal mantra and every time your mind starts to think about anything          negative recite your mantra.                                                                                                          
15. Don't blame yourself or him.  Blaming is a negative thought process that keeps you  focused on the past.  Now is the time to focus on the present and look to the future.                                      
16.  Plan for the future.  We all need something to hope for, it drives us, so plan something fun for yourself for the future, next week, next month, next year.                                                          
17.   Change your surrounding.  Try rearranging your furniture, pictures and decor to get a new          feel.  Buy some new items such as bedspreads, pillows, decor or dishes to provide a new feel 
18. Have fun.  Do whatever it is that brings you joy.                                                                        
19. Make a list of all of your great qualities, every thing you like about yourself and that your friends and co-workers like about you.                                                                                      
20. Remember that you are an amazing, loving, caring person who is deserving of love, respect and faithfulness.  Take the time to heal and let go of any baggage because out there in the world is an amazing person waiting to find you.                                                                                                                                      

8 tips to catch a cheater using a cell phone.

We've all thought of the mainstream ways to catch a cheater using a cell phone: look through recent calls, check text messages, check open apps and look through contacts, but is that all there is?

No.

The following are 8 more ways or more thorough ways to look for evidence:

1. Contacts.  Is there a secondary list?  Click on each contact, are there multiple numbers for the same person?  Is anything starred?  Is there anything to show a code or other secret marking by a name?  Perhaps something to do with his/her work?  If you have the time, copy each name and number and double check them yourself.  My ex included lots of dummy numbers to make it harder to find the real ones.  He also marked each mistress under the code name Bob.  
2. Apps.  Look through his apps for any that are known for keeping secrets or social sites like hangouts or path.  Apps like Vault keep notes, pics and other secrets.  Vimeo allows users to send videos that no one else can see unless they have a password.  There are apps that will make the screen disappear if shaken, making it easy to erase a text if about to get caught.  Those are just a few, so be sure to check on the newest apps out there.
3. GPS.  There are multiple ways to take advantage of gps.  1) Use a gps tracker app such as Friend Finder or the Find My Iphone app. 2) If you have access to his phone go to settings-privacy-location services.  If it's turned on you will be able to see where the phone has been, if not, turn the services on to check on later.
4. Texts.  If a text comes through his phone you can swipe the text dialogue to the side and that will allow you to respond to that one text.  Of course, this is only useful if you happen to see an inappropriate text or one from a friend that you want to verify information from.
5. Your cell phone.  You can use your cell phone as a spy camera.  Set it upright in an area where you think you can get the best view.  There are lots of directions online on how to use your cell phone as a remote camera so I won't go into details.
6. Your cell phone as a gps tracker.  If you know he is going somewhere he shouldn't be hide your cell phone in his car (be sure to have location services on and volume off and well charged.)  Once he's back home retrieve your phone and check the locations.  If you are concerned that he might call you while he's out simply forward your number to the house phone or a friend's number.
7. Voice messages.  It's easy to listen to voice messages from another phone, let's say yours.  It needs to be a time that you know he won't answer his phone, other wise it doesn't work.  Dial his number, during the greeting either press * or # depending on who the carrier is, it will prompt for a password (hopefully you have it) enter it, you will be given options and directions including: listening to, deleting, forwarding and repeating.
8. Spyware.  I'm stating up front this is illegal to do with out his consent.  With that said there are lots of services out there for cell phone spyware.  Mobistealth offers different levels of service and costs and it does work.  Regardless of what any add states, smart users can figure out that their phone isn't "working right" and may do a factory reset which will wipe out the spyware, but not before you learn what you need to know.

Hopefully, these tips will help you find out if your partner is cheating or being faithful.  

If you have any tips to add about how to catch a cheater using a cell phone please let us know by leaving a comment.

Good luck.

The best clue that you may be dating a sociopath.

The best clue I can share with you that you are about to embark on a potentially dangerous faux love affair with a sociopath is this:

If he asks you to keep a secret.

That's it, pretty simple sounding isn't it?

Any potential suitor who asks you to keep a secret up front on the first date or many dates down the road is hiding something!!!

At this point you need to run, run, run away.

The problem:
The allure of being invited in to someone else's secret life is exciting.  It gives us the illusion that we are special because we are of the few invited into his world (a world of lies, deceit, cheating, manipulation, adultery and deception.)  All it really means is that we are easily fooled.  I know I was.

Wanting so much to be loved and feel valued that we ignore the red flags, the gut instincts and the feeling of unease.

A charming man, thoughtful, bestowing gifts who fell in love with us the moment we met and to top it off, he's great in the sack.  Who wouldn't be swept off her feet?

He is a skilled manipulator.  A man who knows how to sell himself.

The secrets he asks you to keep are for his protection, to misdirect you and to keep you away from finding out the truth.

"I work for the CIA."  "I'm a bounty hunter."  "I'm undercover."  "My family is in the mafia."  Do any of  these sound familiar?  I hope not, but they are all examples of cover stories they give forcing them and you to not talk or ask questions about him.  They also lend an element of mystique making him more appealing.  He is now more interesting.  He becomes the forbidden fruit.

He may ask you to wear a disguise (making you a secret.)  He doesn't want to be seen with a woman other than his wife, hence the disguise.  He may wear a hat and sunglasses to help disguise himself.  The story he'll give you will either be one of intrigue or pity.  He might say he has a crazy, stalker ex-wife, or he's spying on someone, but just had to see you because you make him feel special or perhaps his wife no longer loves him and he is looking for love.

Whatever the words are, they are lies.  They are meant to entice you, lead you on, have you want to be part of his world (game).

He will tell you that you are not to tell any one.  You must keep his secrets, it's important to him that you do (for more reasons than you realize.)

Anyone who asks you to keep a secret is hiding more than you want to have to deal with.  Maybe he is married, maybe he's a rapist, a thief or just a lost soul who needs constant reassurance to boost his ego.

He could be a narcissist.  He could have Borderline Personality Disorder.  He could be a sociopath.
All of these are unhealthy personality disorders-for him and you.

Stay clear.

Ladies, if you meet someone who asks you to keep a secret, tell him you won't, then walk away.  There may be a wife out there somewhere who will thank you.

12 tips for questioning a cheating spouse

You know he's lying to you, but he sticks with his story.  You ask questions, you cry, you plead, but still he lies and denies.  And all you want is the truth.  Does that sound familiar?

Perhaps it's time to learn how to ask questions- differently, in a different order and different types of questions.

Here are pointers on how to change your questioning (interrogating):

• Stay calm.   Breaking out the tears doesn't help because at this point, let's face it, they don't care about how you feel (otherwise they wouldn't have cheated, right?) 
• Speak in a non-threatening tone.  This will help them to stay calm also and disarm their defenses.
• Let him know that if he's not honest with you that you will leave (only say this if you are willing to follow through) and that you already know the truth.

Stop the lies when they start.  When he lies hold up your hand to stop, repeat your question or rephrase it.  Don't allow him to lie to you, so every time he starts, hold up your hand to let him know that it is not acceptable.

• Push farther.  If you can tell that a question has made him uncomfortable ask more questions and keep pushing, narrowing down the questions, time frames, subject.  Follow up questions are crucial.
• Ask open ended questions.  Try not to ask yes or no questions.  The idea is to get them talking, they may give you information you didn't know.
• Listen intently.  Don't interrupt him, allow him to speak.  
• Ask him to tell the story backward.  Liars rehearse their lies in one direction, but not in reverse. It will be harder to keep a story straight when retelling it in a different order.  
• Ask specific questions.  How long has the affair been going on?  Is it over?  What is missing from our relationship that you needed to get from another woman?  Do you feel guilty?  These questions should only be asked if you know for a fact that there was an affair.  
• Ask loaded questions.  For example, "Were you looking for someone or did it just happen?"
• Suggest justifications on why he cheated to see if he bites at one.  
•  Rephrasing the same questions.  Especially if you think you are going in the right direction, but he hasn't told you what you want to know.  Simply rephrase the same question, don't be afraid to rephrase the question multiple times.

They may never admit to what they did, but in the end doesn't that say a lot about their character?

Hopefully, you can get the answers you need from what they do reveal through their words and body language.  

I wish you the best.

Do you expose a work affair when both parties are married?

Do you ever want to just scream in frustration?

Have you ever caught someone cheating and no one else knew?  And to top it off everyone else thought that person was a great, a catch, honest, faithful?

What if you knew who the third party was in the affair and everyone also thought that person was a "great" person?  "They would never do anything like that."

To top off your frustration, it's your husband.

After I broke up with him I received a phone call from one of his gal pals.  She didn't understand why I would leave such a great man?  He would never cheat, he's not the type, she said, believing her own words.

It was crushing me inside to not tell her what a lying, conniving, manipulator he's been.  I told her I discovered that he had a secret facebook account and denied it.

"I didn't find it." she said.

"Well, that's because he's already deleted it."

"He said he called facebook and told them what was going on, so they took it down." she defended him.

Really?  It doesn't work that way, nor that fast.  So he'll lie to anyone.

Who is this man really?

I fought back the urge to shout out all of his secrets.

Why didn't I tell her?

Because it would ruin the long standing careers and many work friendships for him and the woman he cheated with.

It is not my place to tattle, but I don't like being lied about or to.

What would you do?

Keeping my vengeful side in check, what I can do is to spread the word to pay close attention to the men you date.  To warn women of the red flags that people show when they cheat.  To ask you to respect yourself and other women by not getting involved with men who are already spoken for (future posts.)

For anyone else out there who is frustrated with their situation and contemplating what to do, just ask yourself "What's my motivation?"  Let your good conscious be your guide.



Love yourself first.

The Breakup. A husband caught cheating.

After years of being in a relationship with a man I love dearly, it's now over.  It has been a long time coming.  I have given him every opportunity to be honest about his indiscretions, but he couldn't.  I told him all he had to do was be honest so I could get closure, we could figure why he did what he did and then we could start the healing process and move on.

He couldn't do it.  He stuck with his story of innocence.  I had no choice, but to tell him that I'm moving out.  At some point I had to have respect for myself, since apparently I didn't long ago, so the time is now.  He still didn't admit anything.  His ego is so big and yet so fragile that he can't admit to that weakness, that indiscretion, that lie.

Apparently our relationship wasn't worth it.

Today will be filled with tears and filling boxes of possessions that will remind me of him.  Memories of laughter filled vacations, loving kisses, cuddling in bed and plans we had of our future.

 I am dumbfounded as to how someone could throw everything away for a fling?  It would make more sense if he was in love with another woman and left me for her.  At least he would be fueled by passion.  But to lose a long time love, committed relationship (at least on my part) over sex with other women?  How amazing would the sex have to be???  Seriously?!

Hopefully, once I'm settled into my new place I will start to feel a bit of relief.  It'll be over, finally.

My pillow may be tear soaked by morning, but my conscious will start to grow stronger with every day that passes knowing I made the right decision, even if it took me years to do it.

So to everyone else out there going through the same situation, my heart is with you.

RLF
respect, love, faithfulness
revenge, love, forgive

Revenge as a pressure relief valve for anger.

Once you learn that you've been cheated on, lied to and mislead about your relationship anger and hatred may build inside.

What do you do with that powerful emotion boiling inside you?

Do you get revenge or forgive?

At some point you will have to forgive in order to move on with your life and be happy, but if you're not there yet and want to get revenge first, you have options.

Below are some ideas I've heard that other people have done to get revenge.  I am in no way telling you to get revenge in order to release that anger that is trapped inside you; what you do is entirely your choice.

Speaks for itself.

Spray paint has been used to write on a garage door of his house and or the mistresses house.
I'm sure in lots of other creative ways too.

There's the ol' clean the toilet with his toothbrush bit.  It's an oldy but goody.

How about placing poop in the tank of the toilet?  This sounds more like something a man would do, but who knows.

How about an ad in the newspaper or on craigslist?  A friend of mine put a classified ad in the local paper.  "Husband for sale cheap, comes with mistress."  That was the gist of it, but she elaborated.








There is always the home printed flyer with the cheaters name and picture on it, along with what they did wrong and post it up around the neighborhood and town.

My favorite story that I heard was a wife who sold her husbands car while he was traveling for "work".  What a surprise to come home to after vacationing with one's mistress?!  That takes a lot of balls.








Interested in something more covert?  How about a facebook account in their name describing what type of person they are, pictures and all.  Although, at some point fb will ask you to take it down, but until then.......

This is a bullseye on any man's ego!

We don't all have the luxury of this kind of money, but talk about priceless.

  

Have fun at a sporting event.











Another more covert method is to put their name on a cheaters website.  There are many and they are free.

That concludes the revenge list for today, but stay tuned, there will be more.  Revenge is wicked and so am I.  In the future I will share some of my wicked ways with you.

If you have tried any or heard of any interesting, entertaining ways of getting revenge for a broken heart please share.  I'm always looking out for the next great revenge story.

In a future post I will list positive, healing ways of getting revenge.

Until then, remember you are deserving of romance, love and faithfulness.