Profile of a male serial cheater.

Serial cheaters are the ones who will continue to cheat every chance they get.

They love the thrill.

They think they deserve the adoration and attention.

They don't think that they will get caught.  In the back of their mind they think they can talk their way out of it if they do get caught.

They think they are smarter than you.

It is your job to protect yourself from them.  In order to do that I've put together a list of qualities that serial cheaters have in common.

1.  They are narcissists.  They think only of themselves and what they want.  It doesn't matter who they hurt to get it.

2.  They are self-entitled.  They think they deserve anything and everything their heart or loins desire.  They look to other people to pump their ego; They don't know how to do it themselves.

3.  They are more likely to have money.  They need money to shower women with gifts.  They are not capable of giving true love, so gifts are their way of saying "I care about you."  He may say the words I love you, but they mean something different to him than you.

4.  They are more likely to have jobs with power and control.  An executive for example.

5.  They are image oriented.  They are shallow people.  It's all about looks.  They want to be with attractive women who shower them with words of praise, there by stroking their egos.  Their own looks and image to others is of high importance.  They present themselves well, but you have to be able to look past the facade.

6.  They have double standards.  Rules apply to everyone else to "be good", but not to them.  Since they are narcissists they think they can rewrite the rules.

7.  They are experts at justification.  In their heads they are able to justify any action or motive to suit their needs and give them the excuse they need to cheat.  They do not think of themselves as liars, cheaters, deceitful or unfaithful.  They can justify infidelity with ease.

8.  They take no accountability.  If you notice that they place accountability of anything (past relationship failures, problems in the workplace, family issues for example) on other people instead of owning their part of the problem than you bet that they do  that with cheating too.

9.  They are insecure or paranoid.  This may be hard to spot at first because they are masters of deception.  Initially they come across as confidant, but that is a mask.  Inside they are insecure about your faithfulness because they know how easy it is to cheat.  Once they decide they want to keep you around for awhile you may start to notice the jealousy signs of insecurity and paranoia.  Beware, this is never a good sign.

10. They have cheated before.  They may or may not tell you if they have previously been unfaithful, but if they do realize there is a distinct possibility they will again.  And you should know that if they cheated with you, they absolutely will cheat on you.  Don't lie to yourself and think they won't.


11. They are handsome.  Good looks goes along way to forgiveness and masking deception.  People who are attractive can get away with a lot more than ugly counterparts.  This is not to say that all good looking people are cheaters because that's not true.

12. They are charming.  They pride themselves on being charming and know how to use that to their advantage.

13.  They know how to read people.  They are good at reading people and learning what matters to that person.  They use that knowledge to lie and lure their target with empty promises.  They are predators.

14. They likely had parents who were unfaithful.  Seeing infidelity as a child imprints on them that it is normal behavior.

15. They are skilled liars.  If you ever hear them lie or say that they lied, than you can bet that they lie to you too.  If they'll lie about the little things, than they'll lie about anything.


Take these for what they are, little pieces of a larger, thoughtless, emotional void that make up a serial cheater.

No one wants to be in a relationship with a cheater, so learn to spot the signs of serial cheaters before you get too far involved.

Always remember that you deserve better.

Using observations to find clues.

When you think your partner might be cheating on you it's heartbreaking.  If you ask him about it and he denies it, but you have that nagging feeling that he's not telling the truth you will need to find out for yourself.  

You can start with observation. 

Using your powers of observation you can find clues, answers to questions or leads to answers.  Think of yourself as a modern Sherlock.

If you don't already, start noticing and paying attention to normal details and their variants.  Below are examples.

1.  Keep track of the mileage on your cars.  Perhaps he said he was going to help out a sick friend (in town) but you notice there are 120 miles extra on the odometer.  He would travel 60 miles out and 60 back, so what town would be 60 miles away? Does he know someone that far away?

2. Watch his phone.  When you leave the room is it in a slightly different place when you get back?  Did you hear voices while you were out?  Does he have a tendency not to be on the phone when you are around?

3.  When he does get on his phone can you see the screen or does he keep it angled in such a way that only he can see it?  When you do see the screen are there recent calls, messages or emails, but he doesn't check them?

4.  How often does he use the bathroom?  Every few hours or every hour?  Does he turn the fan on each time (to cover sounds)?  Does the toilet flush? Does he wash his hands?  My point is this, is he using the facility or using the space for privacy?  Does he take the phone in with him?  Maybe he hides it in his pocket and thinks you don't notice?

5.  Does he go outside to smoke?  If so, how often?  Is that the way he's always been?  How long is he out side?  Is there a specific time of the day that he always goes out "for a smoke"?  Maybe he has a set time that he "chats" with someone under the pretense of smoking.  If the length of time is inconsistent such as 10 minutes most of the time and others only 4 minutes then ask yourself why?

6.  Where does he place his car keys?  Are they usually in a set spot, but now they are kept farther away or in a drawer or his pocket?

If he is a creature of habit then take note of any changes.

7.  Does the florist at the grocery store recognize him even though he rarely buys you flowers?

8.  Notice exactly how/where his car is parked.  Put a leaf under a rear tire if need be.  When you get back home has his car moved?  What did he do that day?  Did he say he was at home all day?  Obviously, this is more helpful if he's already told you that he was planning on being home all day.

9.  Keep track of money, specifically how much he spends and if it can be accounted for.

10. Does he not want to open the trunk of his car when you are around?  It's an easy, short term hiding spot.

These are just examples of every day happenings that could lead you to a clue.  There are so many more to pay attention to:  Shirt tucked in or out?  How many buttons are buttoned when he leaves?  Are his shoes dirty or clean when he leaves?  Does he smell different when he comes home?  Is he still wearing the necklace he left the house in?  Is the passenger seat in a different position?

You get the idea.

 Even the smallest detail can reveal a clue.

If you aren't use to having to be that detail oriented you can train yourself.  Start by paying attention to whatever he cherishes the most.  Take a look around before you leave a room or the house.

Have any questions?  Have any suggestions to add?  Feel free to contribute to our skills and knowledge database.

One Puzzle Piece at a Time

Good morning.

This is the beginning of my Good Girl's Guide to Catching a Cheater.

I was the type of person who was trusting.  Naively I thought when my sweetheart said he loved me that it meant he loved only me.  I was wrong.  When the possibility of his unfaithfulness was first brought to my attention I didn't believe it.  There had never been a doubt in my mind that he was true to me, so I never questioned anything he said or did.  Now I feel like a betrayed fool.  This was the beginning of me learning how and where to start looking for clues.  Now I pass the tidbits of knowledge on to anyone else who needs it.


I'm going to include pretty basic searches for those who are newly into the searching process.

Start with his personal effects: wallet, desk, dresser, office (at home), car (under the seat and in the spare tire compartment especially), luggage, backpacks, etc.

What other spaces do you have at home?  A basement, garage, attic?

My thoughts on cheaters.  If you think your spouse, partner, boyfriend, fiance might be cheating I do recommend talking to them.  It should be done in a non-judgemental, non-threatening way so that they won't get defensive (which is a red flag of a cheater.)  Personally, I gathered information first because once they know that you are on to them they will cover their tracks better.  It's easier to find information when they think you aren't looking.

Let me share with you what I found as I started my way down the rabbit hole.  In his wallet I found a note with Mobistealth and a number on it.  I googled it and found that it is spyware for a cellphone or ipad.  He had my cellphone bugged.  Lightbulb click!  I started to remember over the years him mentioning stuff out of the blue that he shouldn't have none about (friends calling me, movies I would see with friends).  He had been spying on me for years!  Who the hell does that?  Of course, I should've broken up with him then, but I didn't.

Cellphone spyware.  It is detectable, regardless of what the ads say.  When it is being used your phone will "behave" oddly.  It will turn on by itself (actually someone else can turn your phone on for you.)  The screen might flicker, apps may close out on their own. The battery life gets used up quickly.  Essentially it doesn't work the way it should.  To remove it you must do a full factory reset, but even then be cautious. Or better yet, get a new phone and don't let anyone ever have access to it.

In his luggage I found a picture booth photo of him with another woman.  The picture didn't show them kissing or doing anything inappropriate, but if you know how to read body language and facial expressions it can show you so much more.  Earlier that month he had shown me similar pictures of him with business associates, so I assumed that the woman in the photo was someone he knows professionally.  Why hide a picture if you have nothing to hide?  One piece of the puzzle.

In his backpack I found my email address along with my password.  He had been checking my email.  Why on earth would he need to do this?  I don't believe in double standards so, if he thinks he has the right to go through my email than maybe I should go through his.  I don't know his password.

My point in sharing all this is that you never know what you may run across.

If you do search his belongings and I'm not telling you that you should, I'm merely saying that there may be clues close by, maybe try to hide the fact that you are looking.  For example, when I look I am very careful to put items back exactly the way I found them.


Good luck, stay strong and remember you deserve respect, love and faithfulness.
RLF