Using observations to find clues.

When you think your partner might be cheating on you it's heartbreaking.  If you ask him about it and he denies it, but you have that nagging feeling that he's not telling the truth you will need to find out for yourself.  

You can start with observation. 

Using your powers of observation you can find clues, answers to questions or leads to answers.  Think of yourself as a modern Sherlock.

If you don't already, start noticing and paying attention to normal details and their variants.  Below are examples.

1.  Keep track of the mileage on your cars.  Perhaps he said he was going to help out a sick friend (in town) but you notice there are 120 miles extra on the odometer.  He would travel 60 miles out and 60 back, so what town would be 60 miles away? Does he know someone that far away?

2. Watch his phone.  When you leave the room is it in a slightly different place when you get back?  Did you hear voices while you were out?  Does he have a tendency not to be on the phone when you are around?

3.  When he does get on his phone can you see the screen or does he keep it angled in such a way that only he can see it?  When you do see the screen are there recent calls, messages or emails, but he doesn't check them?

4.  How often does he use the bathroom?  Every few hours or every hour?  Does he turn the fan on each time (to cover sounds)?  Does the toilet flush? Does he wash his hands?  My point is this, is he using the facility or using the space for privacy?  Does he take the phone in with him?  Maybe he hides it in his pocket and thinks you don't notice?

5.  Does he go outside to smoke?  If so, how often?  Is that the way he's always been?  How long is he out side?  Is there a specific time of the day that he always goes out "for a smoke"?  Maybe he has a set time that he "chats" with someone under the pretense of smoking.  If the length of time is inconsistent such as 10 minutes most of the time and others only 4 minutes then ask yourself why?

6.  Where does he place his car keys?  Are they usually in a set spot, but now they are kept farther away or in a drawer or his pocket?

If he is a creature of habit then take note of any changes.

7.  Does the florist at the grocery store recognize him even though he rarely buys you flowers?

8.  Notice exactly how/where his car is parked.  Put a leaf under a rear tire if need be.  When you get back home has his car moved?  What did he do that day?  Did he say he was at home all day?  Obviously, this is more helpful if he's already told you that he was planning on being home all day.

9.  Keep track of money, specifically how much he spends and if it can be accounted for.

10. Does he not want to open the trunk of his car when you are around?  It's an easy, short term hiding spot.

These are just examples of every day happenings that could lead you to a clue.  There are so many more to pay attention to:  Shirt tucked in or out?  How many buttons are buttoned when he leaves?  Are his shoes dirty or clean when he leaves?  Does he smell different when he comes home?  Is he still wearing the necklace he left the house in?  Is the passenger seat in a different position?

You get the idea.

 Even the smallest detail can reveal a clue.

If you aren't use to having to be that detail oriented you can train yourself.  Start by paying attention to whatever he cherishes the most.  Take a look around before you leave a room or the house.

Have any questions?  Have any suggestions to add?  Feel free to contribute to our skills and knowledge database.

Slow and tried but true, 2 ways to catch a cheater.

Trying to catch someone cheating can be time consuming.  Do you trust your gut instinct or do you want proof?  If you find evidence of an affair do you talk to him or just leave him?  What if he lies to you and it's believable?  What if he keeps cheating?  How much time are you willing to invest to discover the truth?

For me, I love the thrill.  How many different ways can I discover secrets?  Who is more clever?  How many different books can I write using all the information I gather?  The answer to that by the way is three in the works so far.  The least I can do is make some money out of this whole ordeal.  That will piss him off once he learns what I did.  Good.

However, I don't recommend that to anyone.  I, on the other hand, know that I should've left years ago when I first started to wonder why his personality changed. Also, I am a covert passive aggressive woman.  He is a covert passive aggressive male.  In other words, together we are a screwed up, dangerous couple.

Let's get back to you.  Are you going to trust your gut (which is really your subconscious having noticed clues) or are you going to look for proof?  If so, how much time are you going to allow yourself to look?  It can be time consuming.

Looking online for proof of cheating, lying, infidelity, unfaithfulness, what ever you want to label it, can suck up your energy and time.

Dating sites.  If he's at least half smart he won't post an image of himself which would make it a lot easier.  Other wise, type in a description of what you are looking for (his age range, physical description, an approximate mile radius and qualities you think he'll use to describe himself.)  Now you have the tedious task of gleaning through all the profiles.  If you run across your partner's profile you'll know.  Be sure to search through slutty dating sites (adultfriendfinder, adulthookups, naughtydating for example) as well as, the regular dating sites such as match, plenty of fish and zoosk.  You never know, you may run across an image of your man's junk.

Searching dating sites is the most time consuming method I know to find clues, but when you find it you can set up a fake profile to start "flirting" and maybe get a chance to bust him face to face.

Follow them.  This is very old school but it works.  You may want to ask a trusted friend to help with this.  Figure out when he meets up with the mystery woman.  Is it on his way home from work?  When he's at "the gym"?  When he's with his "friends"?  Instead of going to church?  Once you know when then you can make plans to follow him and see where he goes.  Or if you have the money simply put a gps tracker on his car.

Time and patience are key with these methods.

Remember you are deserving of respect, love and faithfulness.