Ending a relationship with a sociopath.

     I'm done.  I've had enough of living the lies.

     Looking to buy something I opened up a mutual account that we have.  Guess what I found?  He has been searching for diamonds, sexy lingerie and a new phone.  He didn't give any of these items to me.  So, I'm done.  Clearly another woman has his attention.  I only wish I could discover who she is so I can warn her of what she is getting into.

     The hard part is now I have to figure out how to safely break up with a man who displays sociopathic tendencies.  Believe me, I've googled the heck out of "how to" do just that.  Unfortunately,  every site says the same thing and they are all having to do with what happens afterward.  I'm looking for how to bring up the topic in the least likely way to provoke outbursts of anger, denial, manipulation, threats and the plea to change.

     My trepidation for approaching the topic gently, stems from past experiences.  My first husband was another man I had to get away from.  After he put a knife to my throat for buying socks I knew I had to leave.

     I don't want a repeat.

     What I've learned about sociopaths is that they will justify anything to suit their needs.  They are in denial of their bad behavior.  They feel like they are being victimized.  They feel entitled to what they want.  Everything is someone else's fault, they take no accountability.

     This is my take on what to do, unless I find another way.

     The breakup will have to begin with a positive statement such as, I love you and I always will.  Then I will have to state what our conversation is about.  "I'm not right for you."  Followed by another positive statement (to protect his ego.)  You are amazing (fill in the rest with true statements.)
     Remain calm, show no emotions, don't accuse or blame, stay in control of the conversation and don't make it about my needs (that implies that he isn't good enough which his ego can't handle) and don't back down.

     That's the plan.

   At this point he will either: 1) get mad, 2) threaten me, 3) agree with me (God forbid), 4) say he will change  or something to that effect.

     I'm hoping that since he is interested in another woman this transition time will go a little easier, but a blow to the ego is always hard.

     Breakups are never easy, but they are even more challenging when it happens with a sociopath or psychopath.  For anyone else out there who has to go through this my advice is to be safe.

     When I left my first husband I had to do it while he was at work because he threatened to kill me if I ever left him.  It's amazing how many people will help you when your safety is on the line.

     I found a little apartment and didn't tell him where it was, but once he followed me home I knew I was in for some potential danger.  It took moving again, this time 500 miles away, to be safe.

    We can all learn from history.  I'm already looking for a new place, 500 miles away.

     He's out of town now so I have some time to plan.  I'll let you know the details and what worked and what didn't.

     We all deserve respect, love and honesty.

     Be safe.

Profile of a male serial cheater.

Serial cheaters are the ones who will continue to cheat every chance they get.

They love the thrill.

They think they deserve the adoration and attention.

They don't think that they will get caught.  In the back of their mind they think they can talk their way out of it if they do get caught.

They think they are smarter than you.

It is your job to protect yourself from them.  In order to do that I've put together a list of qualities that serial cheaters have in common.

1.  They are narcissists.  They think only of themselves and what they want.  It doesn't matter who they hurt to get it.

2.  They are self-entitled.  They think they deserve anything and everything their heart or loins desire.  They look to other people to pump their ego; They don't know how to do it themselves.

3.  They are more likely to have money.  They need money to shower women with gifts.  They are not capable of giving true love, so gifts are their way of saying "I care about you."  He may say the words I love you, but they mean something different to him than you.

4.  They are more likely to have jobs with power and control.  An executive for example.

5.  They are image oriented.  They are shallow people.  It's all about looks.  They want to be with attractive women who shower them with words of praise, there by stroking their egos.  Their own looks and image to others is of high importance.  They present themselves well, but you have to be able to look past the facade.

6.  They have double standards.  Rules apply to everyone else to "be good", but not to them.  Since they are narcissists they think they can rewrite the rules.

7.  They are experts at justification.  In their heads they are able to justify any action or motive to suit their needs and give them the excuse they need to cheat.  They do not think of themselves as liars, cheaters, deceitful or unfaithful.  They can justify infidelity with ease.

8.  They take no accountability.  If you notice that they place accountability of anything (past relationship failures, problems in the workplace, family issues for example) on other people instead of owning their part of the problem than you bet that they do  that with cheating too.

9.  They are insecure or paranoid.  This may be hard to spot at first because they are masters of deception.  Initially they come across as confidant, but that is a mask.  Inside they are insecure about your faithfulness because they know how easy it is to cheat.  Once they decide they want to keep you around for awhile you may start to notice the jealousy signs of insecurity and paranoia.  Beware, this is never a good sign.

10. They have cheated before.  They may or may not tell you if they have previously been unfaithful, but if they do realize there is a distinct possibility they will again.  And you should know that if they cheated with you, they absolutely will cheat on you.  Don't lie to yourself and think they won't.


11. They are handsome.  Good looks goes along way to forgiveness and masking deception.  People who are attractive can get away with a lot more than ugly counterparts.  This is not to say that all good looking people are cheaters because that's not true.

12. They are charming.  They pride themselves on being charming and know how to use that to their advantage.

13.  They know how to read people.  They are good at reading people and learning what matters to that person.  They use that knowledge to lie and lure their target with empty promises.  They are predators.

14. They likely had parents who were unfaithful.  Seeing infidelity as a child imprints on them that it is normal behavior.

15. They are skilled liars.  If you ever hear them lie or say that they lied, than you can bet that they lie to you too.  If they'll lie about the little things, than they'll lie about anything.


Take these for what they are, little pieces of a larger, thoughtless, emotional void that make up a serial cheater.

No one wants to be in a relationship with a cheater, so learn to spot the signs of serial cheaters before you get too far involved.

Always remember that you deserve better.

4 Types of cheaters

     Cheaters suck.  Cheating sucks.  Plain and simple.  The fact that someone doesn't have the balls to be honest and tell their partner that they are having an affair is cowardly and disrespectful, to say the least.

     Cheaters can be broken down into 4 simple categories.

1.  The one night stand.  He didn't go out looking for a hook up, but found it.  He feels profoundly guilty and chances are he won't do it again.

2.  Getting even.  Anger is a powerful emotion.  It can drive a man (or woman) to do rash things.  If he isn't get his needs met physically because his wife is withholding sex.  Because she cheated on him.  Or as a justified means of getting even because he feels jilted.

3.  Over whelming attraction.  This is generally with someone the cheater knows.  He has had an attraction to this person for a long time, eventually they hook up to satisfy their desires, never intending it to be long term.

4.  The serial cheater.  This man thinks he deserves it.  He is narcissistic, self-entitled and arrogant.
He will do whatever it takes to not get caught.  He will lie, lie, lie even with his pants around his ankles and a naked woman in the room.  He is charming and will have you thinking you are his world.  He is the one to run away from.


No one deserves to be cheated on.  Remember, you deserve to be respected and loved forever.