12 tips for questioning a cheating spouse

You know he's lying to you, but he sticks with his story.  You ask questions, you cry, you plead, but still he lies and denies.  And all you want is the truth.  Does that sound familiar?

Perhaps it's time to learn how to ask questions- differently, in a different order and different types of questions.

Here are pointers on how to change your questioning (interrogating):

• Stay calm.   Breaking out the tears doesn't help because at this point, let's face it, they don't care about how you feel (otherwise they wouldn't have cheated, right?) 
• Speak in a non-threatening tone.  This will help them to stay calm also and disarm their defenses.
• Let him know that if he's not honest with you that you will leave (only say this if you are willing to follow through) and that you already know the truth.

Stop the lies when they start.  When he lies hold up your hand to stop, repeat your question or rephrase it.  Don't allow him to lie to you, so every time he starts, hold up your hand to let him know that it is not acceptable.

• Push farther.  If you can tell that a question has made him uncomfortable ask more questions and keep pushing, narrowing down the questions, time frames, subject.  Follow up questions are crucial.
• Ask open ended questions.  Try not to ask yes or no questions.  The idea is to get them talking, they may give you information you didn't know.
• Listen intently.  Don't interrupt him, allow him to speak.  
• Ask him to tell the story backward.  Liars rehearse their lies in one direction, but not in reverse. It will be harder to keep a story straight when retelling it in a different order.  
• Ask specific questions.  How long has the affair been going on?  Is it over?  What is missing from our relationship that you needed to get from another woman?  Do you feel guilty?  These questions should only be asked if you know for a fact that there was an affair.  
• Ask loaded questions.  For example, "Were you looking for someone or did it just happen?"
• Suggest justifications on why he cheated to see if he bites at one.  
•  Rephrasing the same questions.  Especially if you think you are going in the right direction, but he hasn't told you what you want to know.  Simply rephrase the same question, don't be afraid to rephrase the question multiple times.

They may never admit to what they did, but in the end doesn't that say a lot about their character?

Hopefully, you can get the answers you need from what they do reveal through their words and body language.  

I wish you the best.

I found secret pictures of naked women.

                                                               image courtesy of pixabay



I stumbled upon some tucked away credit card statements that belong to my "sweetheart" and looked through them, of course.  Why wouldn't I?

They dated back 6 years ago.  Holy shit!  That son of a bitch has been fooling around with other women that far back!  At this point I would love to stab a knife into his heart, but I won't.  Instead I will go run until I'm exhausted.  It's a good thing he's not home for awhile.

As I looked over the statements I payed close attention to the dates.  Man he was busy.  He was in places other than where he told me he was.  More lies than truths have crossed his lips I'm sure.

One state came up regularly, despite the fact that he told me he only travels there every other year to visit his family.  So that's where another one lives.

Nothing would give me more pleasure right now than to be able to contact every woman that he's had an affair with.  Revenge being my only motive here.  These women don't know me and may or may not know that "he" is/was in a relationship.

Looking through the rest of the stack of statements I figured out that he had her fly to his house on at least one occasion.

And HER NAME was on the statement next to "plane ticket." Gold.

Now I know her name and what state she lives in.  From there finding her is easy.  No worries, I hold no anger toward her.  I just think she should know about him.

Fueled by this golden nugget of spy intel into the secret life of my now ex, I searched the house again.

Jackpot!

Guess who left an old laptop in a box along side it's power cord? You guessed it, that lying, cheating, unfaithful, no good son of a bitch.

Naturally I did what any cheated on wife/girlfriend/fiance/ partner would do.  I plugged it in.

And yes, I found naked pictures of 2 women.  Both with their names tagged in the image.  Dumbass!

There was another woman pictured, but with clothes on and no name.  Get this, he also had a selfie of himself in his underwear!  Like he was a politician or something.  My guess is that he either sent that pic to someone or used it as a profile pic on a smut site.

I recognized both names of the women.  Their names and phone numbers are on his cell phone.  He had said they were work associates.  Foolish me for not asking what type of work.

Wow, I found myself a real winner didn't I?  In the beginning I questioned a few things, but I had no idea just how far down the rabbit hole went.  I still don't.

It does make me wonder, just what else am I missing hiding in this house?  If I can't sleep tonight I have an activity to keep me busy at least.

So let this be a heads up ladies.  If you send naked pictures to someone you are dating, you don't know who will end up seeing them.

Off to do more searching while he's not at home.

If you have any stories you want to share please do.

Remember, we all deserve love and faithfulness.

Profile of a male serial cheater.

Serial cheaters are the ones who will continue to cheat every chance they get.

They love the thrill.

They think they deserve the adoration and attention.

They don't think that they will get caught.  In the back of their mind they think they can talk their way out of it if they do get caught.

They think they are smarter than you.

It is your job to protect yourself from them.  In order to do that I've put together a list of qualities that serial cheaters have in common.

1.  They are narcissists.  They think only of themselves and what they want.  It doesn't matter who they hurt to get it.

2.  They are self-entitled.  They think they deserve anything and everything their heart or loins desire.  They look to other people to pump their ego; They don't know how to do it themselves.

3.  They are more likely to have money.  They need money to shower women with gifts.  They are not capable of giving true love, so gifts are their way of saying "I care about you."  He may say the words I love you, but they mean something different to him than you.

4.  They are more likely to have jobs with power and control.  An executive for example.

5.  They are image oriented.  They are shallow people.  It's all about looks.  They want to be with attractive women who shower them with words of praise, there by stroking their egos.  Their own looks and image to others is of high importance.  They present themselves well, but you have to be able to look past the facade.

6.  They have double standards.  Rules apply to everyone else to "be good", but not to them.  Since they are narcissists they think they can rewrite the rules.

7.  They are experts at justification.  In their heads they are able to justify any action or motive to suit their needs and give them the excuse they need to cheat.  They do not think of themselves as liars, cheaters, deceitful or unfaithful.  They can justify infidelity with ease.

8.  They take no accountability.  If you notice that they place accountability of anything (past relationship failures, problems in the workplace, family issues for example) on other people instead of owning their part of the problem than you bet that they do  that with cheating too.

9.  They are insecure or paranoid.  This may be hard to spot at first because they are masters of deception.  Initially they come across as confidant, but that is a mask.  Inside they are insecure about your faithfulness because they know how easy it is to cheat.  Once they decide they want to keep you around for awhile you may start to notice the jealousy signs of insecurity and paranoia.  Beware, this is never a good sign.

10. They have cheated before.  They may or may not tell you if they have previously been unfaithful, but if they do realize there is a distinct possibility they will again.  And you should know that if they cheated with you, they absolutely will cheat on you.  Don't lie to yourself and think they won't.


11. They are handsome.  Good looks goes along way to forgiveness and masking deception.  People who are attractive can get away with a lot more than ugly counterparts.  This is not to say that all good looking people are cheaters because that's not true.

12. They are charming.  They pride themselves on being charming and know how to use that to their advantage.

13.  They know how to read people.  They are good at reading people and learning what matters to that person.  They use that knowledge to lie and lure their target with empty promises.  They are predators.

14. They likely had parents who were unfaithful.  Seeing infidelity as a child imprints on them that it is normal behavior.

15. They are skilled liars.  If you ever hear them lie or say that they lied, than you can bet that they lie to you too.  If they'll lie about the little things, than they'll lie about anything.


Take these for what they are, little pieces of a larger, thoughtless, emotional void that make up a serial cheater.

No one wants to be in a relationship with a cheater, so learn to spot the signs of serial cheaters before you get too far involved.

Always remember that you deserve better.