Good morning.
This is the beginning of my Good Girl's Guide to Catching a Cheater.
I was the type of person who was trusting. Naively I thought when my sweetheart said he loved me that it meant he loved only me. I was wrong. When the possibility of his unfaithfulness was first brought to my attention I didn't believe it. There had never been a doubt in my mind that he was true to me, so I never questioned anything he said or did. Now I feel like a betrayed fool. This was the beginning of me learning how and where to start looking for clues. Now I pass the tidbits of knowledge on to anyone else who needs it.
I'm going to include pretty basic searches for those who are newly into the searching process.
Start with his personal effects: wallet, desk, dresser, office (at home), car (under the seat and in the spare tire compartment especially), luggage, backpacks, etc.
What other spaces do you have at home? A basement, garage, attic?
My thoughts on cheaters. If you think your spouse, partner, boyfriend, fiance might be cheating I do recommend talking to them. It should be done in a non-judgemental, non-threatening way so that they won't get defensive (which is a red flag of a cheater.) Personally, I gathered information first because once they know that you are on to them they will cover their tracks better. It's easier to find information when they think you aren't looking.
Let me share with you what I found as I started my way down the rabbit hole. In his wallet I found a note with Mobistealth and a number on it. I googled it and found that it is spyware for a cellphone or ipad. He had my cellphone bugged. Lightbulb click! I started to remember over the years him mentioning stuff out of the blue that he shouldn't have none about (friends calling me, movies I would see with friends). He had been spying on me for years! Who the hell does that? Of course, I should've broken up with him then, but I didn't.
Cellphone spyware. It is detectable, regardless of what the ads say. When it is being used your phone will "behave" oddly. It will turn on by itself (actually someone else can turn your phone on for you.) The screen might flicker, apps may close out on their own. The battery life gets used up quickly. Essentially it doesn't work the way it should. To remove it you must do a full factory reset, but even then be cautious. Or better yet, get a new phone and don't let anyone ever have access to it.
In his luggage I found a picture booth photo of him with another woman. The picture didn't show them kissing or doing anything inappropriate, but if you know how to read body language and facial expressions it can show you so much more. Earlier that month he had shown me similar pictures of him with business associates, so I assumed that the woman in the photo was someone he knows professionally. Why hide a picture if you have nothing to hide? One piece of the puzzle.
In his backpack I found my email address along with my password. He had been checking my email. Why on earth would he need to do this? I don't believe in double standards so, if he thinks he has the right to go through my email than maybe I should go through his. I don't know his password.
My point in sharing all this is that you never know what you may run across.
If you do search his belongings and I'm not telling you that you should, I'm merely saying that there may be clues close by, maybe try to hide the fact that you are looking. For example, when I look I am very careful to put items back exactly the way I found them.
Good luck, stay strong and remember you deserve respect, love and faithfulness.
RLF
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