The Breakup. A husband caught cheating.

After years of being in a relationship with a man I love dearly, it's now over.  It has been a long time coming.  I have given him every opportunity to be honest about his indiscretions, but he couldn't.  I told him all he had to do was be honest so I could get closure, we could figure why he did what he did and then we could start the healing process and move on.

He couldn't do it.  He stuck with his story of innocence.  I had no choice, but to tell him that I'm moving out.  At some point I had to have respect for myself, since apparently I didn't long ago, so the time is now.  He still didn't admit anything.  His ego is so big and yet so fragile that he can't admit to that weakness, that indiscretion, that lie.

Apparently our relationship wasn't worth it.

Today will be filled with tears and filling boxes of possessions that will remind me of him.  Memories of laughter filled vacations, loving kisses, cuddling in bed and plans we had of our future.

 I am dumbfounded as to how someone could throw everything away for a fling?  It would make more sense if he was in love with another woman and left me for her.  At least he would be fueled by passion.  But to lose a long time love, committed relationship (at least on my part) over sex with other women?  How amazing would the sex have to be???  Seriously?!

Hopefully, once I'm settled into my new place I will start to feel a bit of relief.  It'll be over, finally.

My pillow may be tear soaked by morning, but my conscious will start to grow stronger with every day that passes knowing I made the right decision, even if it took me years to do it.

So to everyone else out there going through the same situation, my heart is with you.

RLF
respect, love, faithfulness
revenge, love, forgive

Ending a relationship with a sociopath.

     I'm done.  I've had enough of living the lies.

     Looking to buy something I opened up a mutual account that we have.  Guess what I found?  He has been searching for diamonds, sexy lingerie and a new phone.  He didn't give any of these items to me.  So, I'm done.  Clearly another woman has his attention.  I only wish I could discover who she is so I can warn her of what she is getting into.

     The hard part is now I have to figure out how to safely break up with a man who displays sociopathic tendencies.  Believe me, I've googled the heck out of "how to" do just that.  Unfortunately,  every site says the same thing and they are all having to do with what happens afterward.  I'm looking for how to bring up the topic in the least likely way to provoke outbursts of anger, denial, manipulation, threats and the plea to change.

     My trepidation for approaching the topic gently, stems from past experiences.  My first husband was another man I had to get away from.  After he put a knife to my throat for buying socks I knew I had to leave.

     I don't want a repeat.

     What I've learned about sociopaths is that they will justify anything to suit their needs.  They are in denial of their bad behavior.  They feel like they are being victimized.  They feel entitled to what they want.  Everything is someone else's fault, they take no accountability.

     This is my take on what to do, unless I find another way.

     The breakup will have to begin with a positive statement such as, I love you and I always will.  Then I will have to state what our conversation is about.  "I'm not right for you."  Followed by another positive statement (to protect his ego.)  You are amazing (fill in the rest with true statements.)
     Remain calm, show no emotions, don't accuse or blame, stay in control of the conversation and don't make it about my needs (that implies that he isn't good enough which his ego can't handle) and don't back down.

     That's the plan.

   At this point he will either: 1) get mad, 2) threaten me, 3) agree with me (God forbid), 4) say he will change  or something to that effect.

     I'm hoping that since he is interested in another woman this transition time will go a little easier, but a blow to the ego is always hard.

     Breakups are never easy, but they are even more challenging when it happens with a sociopath or psychopath.  For anyone else out there who has to go through this my advice is to be safe.

     When I left my first husband I had to do it while he was at work because he threatened to kill me if I ever left him.  It's amazing how many people will help you when your safety is on the line.

     I found a little apartment and didn't tell him where it was, but once he followed me home I knew I was in for some potential danger.  It took moving again, this time 500 miles away, to be safe.

    We can all learn from history.  I'm already looking for a new place, 500 miles away.

     He's out of town now so I have some time to plan.  I'll let you know the details and what worked and what didn't.

     We all deserve respect, love and honesty.

     Be safe.