The Breakup. A husband caught cheating.

After years of being in a relationship with a man I love dearly, it's now over.  It has been a long time coming.  I have given him every opportunity to be honest about his indiscretions, but he couldn't.  I told him all he had to do was be honest so I could get closure, we could figure why he did what he did and then we could start the healing process and move on.

He couldn't do it.  He stuck with his story of innocence.  I had no choice, but to tell him that I'm moving out.  At some point I had to have respect for myself, since apparently I didn't long ago, so the time is now.  He still didn't admit anything.  His ego is so big and yet so fragile that he can't admit to that weakness, that indiscretion, that lie.

Apparently our relationship wasn't worth it.

Today will be filled with tears and filling boxes of possessions that will remind me of him.  Memories of laughter filled vacations, loving kisses, cuddling in bed and plans we had of our future.

 I am dumbfounded as to how someone could throw everything away for a fling?  It would make more sense if he was in love with another woman and left me for her.  At least he would be fueled by passion.  But to lose a long time love, committed relationship (at least on my part) over sex with other women?  How amazing would the sex have to be???  Seriously?!

Hopefully, once I'm settled into my new place I will start to feel a bit of relief.  It'll be over, finally.

My pillow may be tear soaked by morning, but my conscious will start to grow stronger with every day that passes knowing I made the right decision, even if it took me years to do it.

So to everyone else out there going through the same situation, my heart is with you.

RLF
respect, love, faithfulness
revenge, love, forgive

I found secret pictures of naked women.

                                                               image courtesy of pixabay



I stumbled upon some tucked away credit card statements that belong to my "sweetheart" and looked through them, of course.  Why wouldn't I?

They dated back 6 years ago.  Holy shit!  That son of a bitch has been fooling around with other women that far back!  At this point I would love to stab a knife into his heart, but I won't.  Instead I will go run until I'm exhausted.  It's a good thing he's not home for awhile.

As I looked over the statements I payed close attention to the dates.  Man he was busy.  He was in places other than where he told me he was.  More lies than truths have crossed his lips I'm sure.

One state came up regularly, despite the fact that he told me he only travels there every other year to visit his family.  So that's where another one lives.

Nothing would give me more pleasure right now than to be able to contact every woman that he's had an affair with.  Revenge being my only motive here.  These women don't know me and may or may not know that "he" is/was in a relationship.

Looking through the rest of the stack of statements I figured out that he had her fly to his house on at least one occasion.

And HER NAME was on the statement next to "plane ticket." Gold.

Now I know her name and what state she lives in.  From there finding her is easy.  No worries, I hold no anger toward her.  I just think she should know about him.

Fueled by this golden nugget of spy intel into the secret life of my now ex, I searched the house again.

Jackpot!

Guess who left an old laptop in a box along side it's power cord? You guessed it, that lying, cheating, unfaithful, no good son of a bitch.

Naturally I did what any cheated on wife/girlfriend/fiance/ partner would do.  I plugged it in.

And yes, I found naked pictures of 2 women.  Both with their names tagged in the image.  Dumbass!

There was another woman pictured, but with clothes on and no name.  Get this, he also had a selfie of himself in his underwear!  Like he was a politician or something.  My guess is that he either sent that pic to someone or used it as a profile pic on a smut site.

I recognized both names of the women.  Their names and phone numbers are on his cell phone.  He had said they were work associates.  Foolish me for not asking what type of work.

Wow, I found myself a real winner didn't I?  In the beginning I questioned a few things, but I had no idea just how far down the rabbit hole went.  I still don't.

It does make me wonder, just what else am I missing hiding in this house?  If I can't sleep tonight I have an activity to keep me busy at least.

So let this be a heads up ladies.  If you send naked pictures to someone you are dating, you don't know who will end up seeing them.

Off to do more searching while he's not at home.

If you have any stories you want to share please do.

Remember, we all deserve love and faithfulness.

Reading body language to know if he's lying to you.

If he's cheating, he's lying.  Let's face it, liars lie.  How are you suppose to know when he's telling the truth or lying?

That's where body language comes in.  The body doesn't lie.

Here are some of my tips on reading body language as it pertains to his feelings about you.  Keep in mind these are basic body language cues, you know you partner better than anyone else so there may be some variances.

If it helps, think back to the early stages of your relationship, how is he different now compared to then?


1.  Space.  How much space does he leave between the 2 of you when you: walk, sleep, watch tv, eat meals, talk on the phone, go to a party, visit friends, go to a bar/club?  You get the idea.  Does he sleep on the edge of the bed or cuddle?  When watching tv are you 2 physically touching or is he in his own personal space?  Does he walk at his own personal pace or stay by your side (holding hands or not)?  Do you eat meals together or on your own schedule?  When you go to a party do you go your separate ways?  If so, do you at least "check in" with each other periodically? At a bar or club does he ditch you for friends?  When meeting new people is he distant from you (like a stranger) or is he by your side (letting the world know that you belong to him)?

In essence, does he invite you into his personal space or not?

2.  Body positioning.  Does he face you?  When you talk is he facing you or angled facing away?  When you have sex, are you two face to face or does he prefer to look at the back of your head?  This is only important if it differs from the sexual contact you shared when you were close and intimate with one another.  Does he mirror you?  (when an interested party follows the movements of the other)

3.  His feet.  Watch his feet.  When you are near each other are his feet pointed away from you (as though his feet want to run away) or are they pointed toward you?

4.  Posture.  Slouching can be a sign of being comfortable, but it can also be a sign of no longer caring how you view him.  If he stands next to you with his chest out, tall and shoulders back that's pride (in himself and being with you.)  If he's slouching and a pretty woman walks by does he straighten up?

5.  Hands.  When he's talking to you are his hands clinched?  Fidgety?  Relaxed? Does he touch his face, neck or ears?  Are his hands resting on his arms and softly moving (this is known as self-soothing)?  How his hands are moving or not can say a lot about his mental state.

There are many clues their body gives us as to their honesty or lying ways, so watch them.  Watch how they move around you and around others.  What are the differences?

No one wants to discover that their spouse has been having an affair, but do you want to live with the alternative?

You deserve better.  We all do.

Cheating spouse caught sending flowers to another woman.

     Valentines Day is coming up, a time we dread if we believe our spouse is having an affair.

If you're wondering if he sent flowers to the other woman, you can check.  It also makes for a colorful way to catch your man cheating.

Do you know the florist he buys from?  You can either call and inquire about "an" order, using his name and number if they ask or check online (this requires knowing a password usually.)

If you don't know the florist you can call each one in your town, if you want to know that bad.

Once you know that he is sending flowers to his mistress, what do you do?  If it were me, I would have them read me the note (if there is one), change it to read something else entirely (your choice) or cancel the order all together.  However, if you want to go out with a colorful bang, you can have the flowers sent to you.  Nothing says you're busted you lying, cheating, loser quite like getting the flowers that were suppose to go to his secret girlfriend.

No matter what you do, remember you are deserving of real love, respect and faithfulness.

As for me, I'm going to enjoy Valentine's Day by buying myself some nice things with his money.
<3

Busted by a cigarette butt!

     I really wanted to share this with everyone to illustrate 2 points: 1) that paying attention to details can pay off and 2) that it is very, very difficult to hide all the evidence of an affair.

     A friend of mine noticed one of her husbands cigarette butts in an unusual location while she was working outside one day.  The butt was behind their RV, not a place they go, especially during the cold winter months.

     Knowing this was out of character for him, not to mention she didn't see him go outside, she checked their surveillance system (which is time stamped.)  It recorded the back door being opened early in the morning, when she would have been in the shower.

     Lightbulb!

     She set a trap.

     The next morning she went upstairs and turned on the shower.  While the water ran she watched their surveillance system which showed him grabbing his phone and sending a text before sneaking out the back door again.

     She snuck out the front door and over to the side of the RV where she heard him sweetly talking to someone on the phone.  She stepped around the corner and cleared her throat.

     He shit himself! So she tells me.  The look on his face was priceless.  He had been caught red handed all because he was to lazy to pick up his cigarette butt.

     She had been having the feeling that he was keeping a big secret, so she wasn't too surprised at catching her husband cheating.  She was surprised at how easy it was though.

     How great would it be if it were that easy for all of us to catch our spouses, partners or boyfriends having an affair?  Could you imagine catching them in the act of sex with another woman?  At that point they couldn't deny it, even though I'm sure they would try.

     If you have any stories about how you caught your partner cheating or caught them in an undeniable lie, please feel free to share.  I welcome the stories.

     Until next time, remember, you are deserving of respect, love and faithfulness.

20 ways to tell he may be lying

     Reading people to distinguish a lie from the truth isn't an exact science.  People handle stress differently which is what they do when they lie.  The more experienced they are at lying, the better they are at hiding it, unfortunately.

     This is an excellent time to use your powers of observation, to help detect a lie.

     By now, in your relationship, you should know how to tell when he is uncomfortable.  That is a good starting point.  If you are having a seemingly normal conversation and you notice his comfort level has changed you should explore the topic further.

     Begin with an honest baseline.  In other words, how does he look, talk, sound, move or gesture when he is telling the truth?  That's your baseline.  Now ask him a question that you know he will lie to.  What are the differences?

Here is a list of tips and tells for liars, but everyone is different, so learn his.

1.  No eye contact or too much eye contact.

2.  An immediate prepared answer or taking too long to think of an answer.

3.  Changes the answer.

4.  Stiffens his body.

5.  Rubs his eyes or forehead.

6.  Covers his mouth when talking.

7.  Micro-expressions.  The instantaneous Oh Shit expression that flashes on his face before he corrects it.

8. Unusual touching or scratching of the face.

9.  Their words don't match their expressions or body language.

10. A tick or restlessness in a body part.  Finger tapping, toe tapping, leg wiggles, you get the idea.

11. They answer no, but their head shakes yes.  Or the opposite for yes.

12. Their tone changes.

13. If the answer doesn't make sense or is illogical.

14. Too much detail for what should have been a simple answer.

15. Are his eyes closed or does he look away when he answers?

16. No contractions are used.  As in "I did not cheat."

17. Gets defensive at your questions.

18. Repeats the question (in an effort to buy time.)

19. May unconsciously put an object between him and you (arms crossed,a leg, a book, a pillow, etc.)

20. If he feels the need to explain himself for what should be a simple answer.

     Now that you know some of the standard tells, it's time to do some clarifying.

1.  Switch quickly to a different topic.  A liar will gladly go along, but anyone else will want to go back and finish or put a close to the previous topic.

2.  Ask him to retell the story but in reverse.

3.  If there was a question that caused discomfort ask follow up questions.


     The bottom line, you may be able to tell when he is lying, but most men, even when confronted with evidence still won't admit to an affair.  However, you don't need him to admit it to make a decision for what is best for you.

     Do you want to be free, not tied down to someone who has no integrity and will lie to your face?  Or do you want to try to work it out?  A tip, it's impossible to move on and have trust if he can't be honest with you.


     Do you have any tips we should add to our list?  If so, please feel free to share.

     And remember, you deserve respect, love and honesty.